Work Matters: Management: Assertiveness - Heading the right way

Assertiveness, that magic quality that has the potential to turn you into a model manager - what is it and how does it work? Sometimes, it's easier to define what it isn't. For example, there is something wrong if a manager delegates a task with an embarrassed smile and 'I'm sorry, but would you mind ...?' That approach is almost begging for a rejection, with the result that the already-stretched manager often retreats and takes on the task herself. Not a good use of her time and skills.

So, are we saying that assertiveness is nothing more than a means to an end? When I recently asked a group of deputies and managers why they wanted to be more assertive, the responses were interesting.

'So I can get things done without argument.'

'To make sure my staff do what they're told.'

'To learn how to stop parents taking advantage of me.'

This is scary, because what this group of unassertive young women, all lacking confidence, want is not assertiveness but authority without question - 'telling' that leads to obedient action.

Of course, we all know every setting must comply with the new Early Years Foundation Stage, but telling - or instructing - staff is rarely effective in achieving this, as it fails to consider feelings, motivation, or even workload, for that matter.

Learning to consult

So, let's look more closely at the behaviour they see as the ideal. Have you ever worked for a manager who uses sheer personality to get her own way? Think of the body language: dominant posture, fixed eye contact, a loud voice and determination to win at all costs. The key word here is 'win', which means that other peoples' views are ignored or dismissed as worthless, as there are only two ways of doing something: her way and the wrong way. That is aggression, not assertiveness.

But, interestingly, while passivity and aggression appear opposites, they have a common factor - an inability to empathise, to put yourself in the other person's shoes. The passive manager is so concerned with her own 'failings' that she does not look clearly and sensitively at the issues her staff might have. Nor does it occur to her that they too might be anxious. The dominant manager simply dismisses feelings, as she wants results. Would you willingly work in either environment?

The reality is that most of us naturally slip into passive or aggressive behaviour. The good news is that we can learn the skills of assertiveness, which is the most effective way of getting things done, and is often the secret ingredient behind a setting's success.

The essence of assertiveness is that you as a person - and a manager - have a right to state your opinion, to be listened to, to express your feelings and so on. And so do your staff, for just as you have the right to say what you want done, so your staff have an equal right to refuse your request or ask something of you. If you refuse to accept that your staff have rights (if you consistently 'tell' rather than consult), you are demonstrating aggressive behaviour. If you ignore your own rights, you are being non-assertive and passive. The point is, in a team, everyone matters.

Achieving the win/win situation

Everyone wants to feel good and valued at work. Everyone wants a feeling of achievement. And that leads us to the concept of win/win, where, rather than having a winner and a loser, both parties achieve a positive outcome. Now, in order to achieve this, you, as an assertive manager, need to know what you want to achieve. You also need to know your staff and to respect them.

But what do you do when a task clearly needs to be done, if the 'telling' approach is a no/no? You take control of the situation by building up your team.

To illustrate, several months ago, a manager told me about a problem her deputy was having with a new trainee, who was working in the Foundation Stage room. Facing the door was a huge resources cupboard which had toys, CDs and books almost tumbling out. So, the deputy, a timid young woman, summoned up all her courage to tell the trainee to tidy up the cupboard - several times. Nothing. She asked her manager to help. What her manager soon established was that she had not put it in context. Nor had she involved the trainee in any way, apart from simply allocating a menial task. The trainee's lack of response was another classic behaviour - she agreed to do it and then didn't. What was the solution?

Now, the manager is confident and comfortable with expressing her needs, wants, and feelings honestly and directly. This confidence means that she doesn't always assume that she is right or that everyone else will see things as she does. Rather, she recognises the needs, time and values of others as having equal importance. Winning simply doesn't come into it. Her objective is to run a nursery that Ofsted would see as outstanding, one where the children, staff and parents all feel comfortable and welcome. And that means sharing.

So, she walked into the room where the trainee was, past the untidy cupboard, and asked her how she was settling in. The girl was loving it. She then went on to ask her what she liked about the room. First, she mentioned the friendly atmosphere, and then she said what a lovely room it was. The manager agreed, and pointed out, in particular, a display of paintings on the wall. 'Yes, I did that,' said the girl proudly. The manager then guided the conversation towards the area of first impressions. 'What do you think parents would think when they walk in through the door?'

What she was doing was leading the young woman to think it through for herself, and it didn't take long before she saw that the untidy cupboard created a bad first impression.

They then went on to tidy the cupboard together, talking all the time about first impressions and the importance of being able to find resources easily. Through her actions, the manager was tacitly implying that she was not too grand to do a menial task. It wasn't long before the young woman admitted that she hadn't tidied the cupboard, because she thought it was a 'rubbish job that was dumped on me as new girl'. She didn't need to be reminded to do the job again.

Interestingly, what the manager was doing here is what early years practitioners do almost unconsciously with children. She was helping her to learn through doing. Observe a skilled practitioner at the end of a play session. Does she order the children to tidy up the toys? No, she recognises them as people, and so encourages, motivates and praises. If you can do it with children, then you can certainly do it with your team, who have actively chosen to work in your setting.

Key points
- Assertive behaviour is a skill - a style of communication
- Your needs and rights and those of others have equal importance
- Have and show respect for yourself and for others
- Empathy is key to success
- See issues as problems to be solved, not interpersonal conflicts
- Aim for a win/win situation

To find out if Churchill Associates provides training or consultancy in your area, contact your local early years team. Alternatively, contact Churchill Associates on 01626 852030 or at info@churchill-associates.co.uk.