Positive Relationships: Military Families - In service

Having a parent who works in the armed forces can create many issues for children. By taking time to understand the challenges that can arise as a result of military life, childcare practitioners can support a child through difficult periods.

Joy O'Neill, an early years teacher, service wife and mother, founded the Service Children Support Network in 2009 to promote an understanding of the specific needs of regular and reservist service children. 'In areas where there are lots of military personnel, practitioners build up experience of what to expect. They get an understanding of the normal patterns of behaviour,' she explains. 'The army tend to move en masse and use nurseries at military bases, but a very small percentage of RAF and Navy families live in military accommodation. Sixty to 70 per cent live in rental or their own homes, which may not be in military areas. These are the children who can slip through the net and we worry about them the most.

'Staff caring for them can be totally unaware of what's going on in the child's life. But children in the early years do tend to be better catered for than in schools, because early years practitioners make a point of getting to know the children and families in their care.'

Families may be moved every two years, so a child could experience two or three different early years settings before they are four years old. 'For younger children these moves can affect their behaviour,' says Ms O'Neill. 'For example, they may struggle to express themselves, they are quiet and go into themselves, or they act out and express themselves through anti-social behaviour, become clingy or cry for no particular reason.'

It can be especially tough on a family when a parent is deployed, says Ms O'Neill (see box). 'I recently spoke to a five-year-old girl who said, "My dad's away and he's all I can think about".' Media reports about military engagements can be picked up by young children and give confused, upsetting messages, so it is important to carefully explain what is happening to even a young child.

Ex-army officer Sarah Steel owns the Old Station Nursery group of 14 settings, with five on military defence sites. 'Many of our staff are from military families, so they are tuned in to the way of life,' she says. 'The more it is talked about, the better. We have big maps on the pre-school walls and they show where the children's dads and mums are, and perhaps the children put up postcards from them.'

Ms Steel advises practitioners not experienced in working with military families to ask questions. 'Be open and ask what you can do to support a family and, when a parent is being deployed, ask how you can help the child to stay in touch. Not all soldiers are sat in trenches on the front line, which tends to be the impression people have. Many are in headquarters like Camp Bastion in Afghanistan and have access to computers, so can use e-mail and Skype.' The Old Station uses electronic communication to keep in touch with both parents, such as a bi-monthly electronic newsletter, e-mailing children's learning journeys and scanned paintings.

'It is possible to continue a good dialogue with the absent parent,' says Ms Steel. 'As with good practice in any nursery, having a good relationship with the parents is key.'

DEPLOYMENT CYCLE

The effects on a family of a 'deployment cycle' is recognised, with three crucial phases:

Pre-deployment phase - The parent is preparing to go away and often withdraws before the separation. This can be unsettling for a child, who can feel abandoned or ignored. They can get clingy, have problems sleeping or start biting.

Time away - This is an emotional period for the child and they can be worried about their absent parent as well as upset by changes in their home routine.

Post-deployment phase - The parent actually returning can be the hardest phase as they reintegrate into the family. The child is often delighted to have their parent back, but the routine has changed again.

PLUS POINTS

Being a service child is not all negative. Many gain great benefits from the lifestyle, including:

• A chance to see the world

• A chance to experience living in different cultures

• Tendency to be open-minded

• Often able to make friends easily

• Developing great resilience

FURTHER INFORMATION AND SUPPORT

• Service Children Support Network (SCSN), www.servicechildrensupportnetwork.com

• Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen and Families Association (SSAFA), www.ssafa.org.uk

• Make links with the unit welfare officer or community development officer on the base

• Local authority educational psychology teams can also offer advice