Nursery World - Let children get close to learn to be caring

I am an experienced and qualified nanny of 16 years standing and have also worked part-time in nursery schools. I have just read the feature 'Firmly attached' (29 March) and must say that I have always been horrified by the attitude of pushing away any closeness shown by a child. Children need to know who to turn to when they are unhappy or feeling under the weather. If something very personal has happened in their home life, who can they talk to? It is not right for a child to bottle up his or her feelings and this is what happens, even from as young as six months, if they do not have a key worker. Of course a child may become upset if that person is absent due to illness or holiday - this is as natural as becoming upset when a pet dies.

Children need to know who to turn to when they are unhappy or feeling under the weather. If something very personal has happened in their home life, who can they talk to? It is not right for a child to bottle up his or her feelings and this is what happens, even from as young as six months, if they do not have a key worker. Of course a child may become upset if that person is absent due to illness or holiday - this is as natural as becoming upset when a pet dies.

I have to allow my charges to become close to me, as do childminders. Many parents work long hours and have a long journey to and from work. Of course there is upset when a parent believes a child prefers the carer to the parent, but this can, and should, be talked about, for the end result will be that the parent will walk away pleased that their child is happy and relaxed in another environment.

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