The basic two golden rules can make sense in the social world of three- to five-year-olds. However, simple words and actions close to the time best help children understand that their behaviour was an example of what adults mean by 'gentle'. Heavy use of symbolic rewards like stickers disrupts children's ability to internalise values. They do not learn to make the unpaid choice to be helpful. In contrast, children learn, 'If I'm kind, they give me badges.'
Exclusion from a special Golden Time operates as an artificial consequence - consistent maybe, but neither predictable nor fair. Young children have forgotten what they did wrong - possibly hours earlier, in a full day setting. They feel it is unjust for an adult to punish them now, because surely the incident was handled at the time. If a child spoils a game, then after fair warning she will have been guided to play elsewhere. If she has distressed another child (been unkind), an adult should have been active right then, exploring 'what has happened?' and 'how can you make things better now?'
Jennie Lindon, early years consultant, London
