On the face of it, adults get a good deal out of being a parent, everything from unconditional love right down to being able to recite the names of the Teletubbies. Delve a bit deeper, however, and you find that parenting is anything but a stroll in the park.
At the end of a long day or when a child is playing up, even the most loving and well-intentioned parent can end up 'losing it' and hitting their children. Many of us have done it - not often and not necessarily harshly.
But a hit is still a hit and children report that it hurts, not just physically, but emotionally too.
Most parents don't actually believe hitting children is the right thing to do, but when they reach the end of their tether, they can snap and lash out. This doesn't make them bad parents. But hitting children is not a solution. It teaches children a lesson in bad behaviour. It may fix the problem in the very short term, but it will make it much harder to achieve lasting child discipline. There are better, safer and more effective ways forward.
The key is 'positive parenting', which relies on talking, listening, explaining and negotiating. It's never too early or too late to get the positive habit. Parents of babies can benefit from applying a few simple rules. For example, babies behave in a way that will get their needs met.
If they cry or refuse to lie down, it's not because they're trying to irritate but because they're asking for something. With toddlers, what may seem like naughty behaviour is just part of normal development, learning to be independent. Instead of constantly repeating 'No!', try ignoring the behaviour you want to discourage and rewarding good behaviour with hugs and kisses.
Wouldn't it be a wonderful irony if, when they grow up to be everything we want them to be in adulthood, children could turn round and say, 'I was never smacked, and it never did me any harm.'
To order copies of the NSPCC's new practical guide to positive parenting, Encouraging better behaviour, send a stamped SAE (quoting REF 0727) to NSPCC Publications, Weston House, 42 Curtain Road, London EC2A 3NH.
