Toilet training: A wee problem

Toilet training is one of those major topics that can make parents feel very anxious. It is not surprising that many parents seek the advice, support and reassurance of their child's nursery about this issue. It is particularly important for parents and childcarers to work together when it comes time for toilet training, which is normally any time between the ages of 18 months and three years, depending on a child's physical and psychological development. 'The majority of our parents rely on us to take a lead in toilet training - they value our professional opinion. It can also be easier for us to assess a child's language and physical development as we are with the child for significant amounts of time,' says Elaine Piper, director of The Gables nursery chain. 'Part of our success at toilet training is also linked to the attitude that we have about it. We try not to make an issue out of it and we are very sensitive to each child's needs.'

Elaine and her staff believe that building on the nappy changing routine can take the stress out of toilet training for children. She also thinks that children's ability to communicate is important so they can signal their needs. 'By talking to the child when changing the nappy, you can give children the language that they will need later on,' she says. Elaine also suggests that children who are wearing nappies should be involved in the setting's overall toileting routine. 'We invite children who are still in nappies to sit on the toilet and also to wash their hands with the other children. This means they can feel part of the process and also learn from watching the other children,' she explains.

This matter-of-fact approach to toilet training also extends to the way in which information is shared with parents. 'Each day we write a short report for the parent, but while we will comment on how toilet training is going, we will not necessarily make it the main issue. We are also keen to find out what is happening at home to make sure that we are being consistent. This sometimes means that a child will bring in a potty from home.'

Handling accidents is also another feature of nursery life. Judy Harrison, a nursery teacher in a school in St Leonards, Sussex, believes that it is essential that a no-fuss approach is taken. 'I have a strict policy that no child should ever be made to feel bad about wetting themselves. If we notice that a child is wet, we quietly approach him and ask whether he would like to get changed,' she says. 'We then have a special area near the toilet where the child can get changed. We encourage children to change themselves so they can take some responsibility and remain in control. The child is then given a carrier bag to pop their clothes in. At the end of the session, we are also on hand for parents. Sometimes parents feel very embarrassed, and being there to reassure them that the odd accident is normal can be helpful.'

Susan Storer, liaison health visitor advisor for Jigsaw Day Nurseries, sees toilet training as a package of skills. 'It is important to remember that it's about emotional development as well as physical development,' she says. 'And both need to be in place for a happy result.'

Linked Nursery World features

n 'Going potty' by Penny Tassoni (15 August 2002)

A parent's guide to potty training

There are some aspects of being a parent that are more pleasant than others. Take nappy changing as an example. The chances are that you, like most parents, are looking forward to nappies becoming a distant memory.

So how can you help your child to leave nappies behind? When can I start potty training?

One of the hardest parts of potty training is being patient and knowing when your child is actually ready to use a potty. As with other milestones, such as walking, there is no set time by which all children are ready to leave nappies. Some are out of nappies at 15 months, while others will only be ready at three years old. The difference between children lies in their physical maturation, as the bladder and the central nervous system have to be sufficiently developed. Your child also needs to have enough speech to communicate his needs to you, and enough understanding of what to do when he needs the potty. It is worth waiting until your child is physically ready, as the chances are that the whole process will then only take a few days.

Look out for these signs:

n Is your child's nappy dry after a nap?

n Does your child tell you when they are dirty?

n Does your child try to pull off their nappy?

n Is your child interested in sitting on a potty or toilet?

In addition, see if your child is able to go upstairs using alternate feet rather than putting two feet on each stair. In France, this is used as sign that a child has sufficient physical control, and it may explain why early walkers are often earlier to be potty trained.

How should I start off?

Potty training is best done without too much fuss. Telling your child that they are too grown up for nappies can backfire if, after a few days, you realise that they are not ready. Think through when you will be at home and simply leave a nappy off and show your child where the potty is. You can also sit her on the potty or toilet with a training seat as you run the bath. The sound of running water is known to work well! To avoid becoming too stressed, make sure that your child plays in places where it doesn't matter if there is an accident.

What should I do if my child refuses to use the potty?

While it may be frustrating to know that your child needs the potty and is steadfastly refusing to go, it is important to avoid anything other than a mild suggestion. Forcing a child to sit down, bribing them or getting cross will only make the situation worse. Children need to be reasonably relaxed in order to 'let go', and pressure simply makes this harder for them.

There is also a danger that your child may learn some fantastic attention-seeking skills and will talk about the potty to get you off the sofa! Try to avoid telling your child when it is time to 'go', as it is important that he learns to do this for himself. If he keeps refusing to use a potty, just put him back into nappies without making any comments and try again in a few weeks' time.

I am worried because my child is five years old and not dry at night

The age at which children can remain dry at night varies enormously. While many children are dry at four years old, other children need much longer. You can help your child by having a good toileting routine through the day so that her body recognises when her bladder is full. Put a potty next to the bed and encourage her to use the toilet before going to bed. Avoid getting cross, as this only makes things worse, and remember that bedwetting is not deliberate. Visit your doctor for further advice if your child is not dry after the age of six years.