Confidence through play: Big boost

From the earliest days a child will grow in confidence and self-esteem by mastering new abilities through play, as Dr Richard Woolfson explains

Play is very important to the development of a child's self-confidence. The proud feeling of achievement that a three-year-old gets from something as simple as moving one step further up the climbing frame gives him great pleasure and a sense of self-satisfaction.

True, a child's enthusiasm for play stems from pleasure rather than an interest in boosting his self-confidence, but the two are intertwined. The more he plays, the more he strengthens his conviction in his own abilities, and this in turn makes him want to play with more challenging toys the next time. The experience of successful play boosts confidence and vice versa.

Routes to self-belief
There are many ways in which a child develops self-belief through play, including:

• Exploration. He has an intrinsic desire to learn about his surroundings and he must explore to satisfy this curiosity. By taking up the challenge of these new discoveries - and learning something new every time - a child's faith in his own skills surges further ahead.
  
  
• Movement. He has fun from the moment he can move around without help. That's why you have to keep a close eye on a toddler. With his new-found ability to crawl, bottom-shuffle or even walk, he wants to play in all those areas around him that he couldn't reach before. His 'I did it myself' expression reveals his feelings.
  
  
• Imagination. Once he is a toddler, a child can pretend to be someone else during play (for example, he dresses up and imagines he is a member of nursery staff) and he can pretend that an object is something else (for example, he imagines his cuddly toy is another child), play opportunities become endless. This is a side of himself that he never knew before.
  
  
• Creativity. A young child has an inborn ability to express himself creatively. He is capable of creating something new in play, perhaps through the use of paints and crayons or through the use of modelling clay. When he sees your approval at his creative productions, he feels pleased with himself.
  
  
• Sociability. A child who gets on well with others in the nursery has strong self-esteem - it's good to be popular. And there is no better way for children to form friendships than to play together. Through playing with his peers, a child learns essential social skills such as sharing and communicating, gradually boosting his social confidence.
  
  
• Problem-solving. If you tell a child the solution to a puzzle before he arrives at it independently, he may be annoyed; he wants to solve the problem himself because that lifts his self-belief. Puzzle-play is fun even though it can also involve intense concentration and total silence.
  
  
• Language. Effective language communicating is important at every age. A child who can't convey his ideas or feelings accurately will become sad, withdrawn and isolated. Playing with others in the nursery provides constant opportunities for him to improve his language skills, which in turn increases his self-esteem.

Building on progress
The children you work with in the nursery have much more fun when you play with them - as long as you don't take over! If you make sure that you don't dominate when playing with them, you'll provide a further boost to their confidence.

Research has shown that a child under the age of two years is much more likely to explore his surroundings in the presence of a caring adult than when he is left on his own. Just being there with him makes him prepared to extend his independence. And a child whose key worker in the nursery shows a definite interest in his play activities, such as by talking to him about his toys as he plays with them, is likely to play longer with each toy. As far as the child is concerned, your presence underlies the worth of his actions.

One of the most effective forms of involvement in a child's play is to let him start the activity freely himself. Allow him to make random shapes with small wooden blocks, and then gently suggest that they can form a specific item, for example a house or a tower. This steers the aim of his play, making it more focused, and at the same time increases his sense of pride in himself because you have not suggested he would be better off trying an alternative.

Another useful strategy is to broaden the play the child is already engaged in. For example, if you see that he was painting but has become bored with this game, suggest another picture for him to paint.

Both these strategies let him know that you value his choices in play because you give him helpful suggestions that enable him to continue with the theme, instead of directing him into a different game or toy altogether. Your enthusiasm for his ideas boosts the child's self-esteem - he thinks to himself, 'If she likes the way I play, it must be good.'

Case study: lacking confidence

Right from the start, three-year-old Jonathan was timid and withdrawn in the nursery. He preferred to play on his own, rejecting most social contacts from the other children, and he played with the same toys again and again. Staff realised this pattern of behaviour stemmed from his lack of confidence, but all attempts to encourage him to play with his peers were unsuccessful.

To enhance their relationship and to boost his confidence, his key worker planned to play with him on his own for two ten-minute periods every day.

During these brief one-to-one sessions Jonathan was typically given a puzzle toy to play with, one that proved too challenging for him. At first he asked to play with an easier toy - his key worker, however, encouraged him to try to find the solution, whether that was to combine the pieces of a jigsaw, to match objects by colour or to copy a particular pattern with building blocks. As the weeks progressed, Jonathan's minor success with these toys sharpened his motivation. Soon he willingly tried new toys that were presented to him.

Jonathan's new-found confidence in play made him more outgoing. He steadily became more adventurous with toys during free play which in turn brought him into more social contact with his peers. Within a couple of months, his key worker stopped the individual play sessions with him altogether as she knew they were no longer necessary. Success in play had boosted his self-confidence, enabling him to overcome his shyness.

How you can help

To help boost a child's confidence through play:

• Praise his achievements in play. Of course he plays for fun, not just to gain approval from other people. But your enthusiasm and interest for his attempts at climbing that one step higher on the ladder up to the top of the slide eggs him on to try even harder the next time. He feels better about himself.
  
  
• Don't push too hard. His confidence won't improve unless he achieves something with toys that are more demanding. However, some puzzle toys will be much too difficult for him to solve at first. Give him plenty of encouragement without undermining his confidence. If he can't solve the puzzle today, let him leave it for a few days and then try again.
  
  
• Progress in small stages. When a young child is down-hearted because, say, he can't kick a ball as well as his friends can, teach him this skill by breaking it into small, separate stages. Practice each stage with him, building his confidence slowly.
  
  
• Avoid comparisons. Each child in your nursery has his own individual talents, preferences and abilities. You may be tempted to boost his motivation by comparing his play choices with those of others. In most instances, though, this will only weaken his self-confidence.