Positive relationships - On impulse

Behaviour policies are helpful to set standard expectations and offer staff clear guidance on how to manage certain situations, but sometimes they do not reflect the fact that there may be a need for children to be treated differently within the setting's approach to equity and inclusion.

‘Equity and inclusion require more than treating everyone the same. There is an important difference between equity and equality. Equality aims to provide fairness through treating everyone the same regardless of need, while equity achieves this through treating people differently dependent on need.’ (Early Education 2021)

Children who are experiencing social, emotional and mental health difficulties often need to be treated slightly differently in order to be fully included. Many educators struggle with this as it can feel unfair, but it is an issue of equity.

HIGH STANDARDS

The ideas encapsulated in many behaviour policies are often built on the assumption that there is one standard of behaviour that is correct, and any other types of behaviour are incorrect. Often there is a subtle underlying sense that children choose to behave in certain ways, so managing their behaviour is a question of supporting children to make good choices and giving rewards to help modify behaviour.

Early years educators can find their responses unduly influenced by these perceptions, without even noticing. For example: When a child does something that contravenes acceptable behaviour, adults ask why they did it. Children rarely know. If they snatched a toy, they might be able to tell an adult it was because they wanted it; but if they hit out at another child, it is unlikely they will be able to verbalise their thinking.

Often educators use sticker charts to encourage children to make good choices. For some very mature and cognitively aware children, these may work. The lure of the sticker reward is strong enough to enable them to modify their behaviour, but for most children it is hit or miss if they manage to gain a sticker for ‘good behaviour’.

Adults also tell children that their behaviour makes them ‘sad’. The subtext is ‘choose not to do this to make me happy’. This works on the assumption that children love to please the people they care for, so for many children, this approach can and does work, but for others, it results in them feeling like they are bad in some way. Hearing a child describe themselves as bad, naughty, rubbish or worse is heart breaking, but this is common for children who often find themselves on the wrong side of accepted behaviour norms.

Using reward charts with young children may sometimes be helpful if they are motivating and a child has enough cognition to understand and the skills they need to be able to gain the prized sticker. However, for many children who are struggling with their social, emotional or mental health, a sticker chart may reinforce the message that they just do not meet the required standards and are failing. Far better to build on what children can do well and use the things which are motivating.

NATURAL INSTINCT

To really start to help children, it is important to begin to understand and work with impulsivity. Many children are not able to make cognitive decisions about their behaviour, but often react to situations. These reactions can feel extreme and may appear slightly frightening. A child hitting out without any apparent provocation, launching an object for no particular reason or leaping off a climbing frame with no sense of danger can be very worrying. These behaviours are generally impulsive responses that may be linked to trauma. The child's brain causes them to behave in these ways, in a fight, flight, freeze or befriend response.

The befriend response often manifests as a child laughing or smiling when they feel frightened. It is another innate response to feeling under threat and is a survival instinct. By smiling or laughing, the brain is attempting to use a social response to disarm the threat. In practice, the befriend response, is often misunderstood, and children are deemed to be laughing at the adults, or lacking remorse if they have hurt a peer. It is important to understand that all four of these responses are fairly basic as the high order thinking area of the brain tends to shut down, which is why behaviours are rarely a choice.

The brain stops allowing the child to process in a cognitive way but switches into survival responses. Some children seem to understand this well. When asked why they did something, the reply ‘I don't know. My brain makes me do it’ is a fantastic and honest answer. They are in survival mode because they are feeling threatened, endangered or extreme fear. Telling a child off for these responses does very little to help them, other than make them feel that they are a bad person.

If a child is caught in this survival mode, they may be seen running or darting, hiding in small places, disassociating, day dreaming, smiling or laughing at inappropriate times. When caring for a child who is exhibiting these types of behaviours, there is much that can be done to support them. First and foremost, it is vital that their key person makes detailed observations of the child at play. Through keen observation, the adult can pick up small clues that may be hidden in the general run of the day.

The Leuvan scales of wellbeing and involvement (Laevers 2003) can also be a helpful tool when observing impulsive children. These scales were developed by Fere Laevers. He built on Vygotsky's Zone of Proximal Development (Vygotsky 1978) and recognised that for children to become fully engaged in play, and deep-level learning, they need to feel comfortable or have a sense of wellbeing.

CASE STUDY: Doorbell

Through close observation of a child, it was noticed that each time the doorbell rang, they became unsettled. Each interruption stopped them from becoming fully engaged in play. They were unable to become absorbed in a learning process, so were prevented from engaging in the zone of proximal development, where the deepest levels of learning are experienced.

It was important to support the child from an emotional and mental health perspective, so that they were able to fully access the curriculum. As a result, the setting agreed to silence the doorbell. The manager had a portable bell, which vibrated to alert them when someone was at the door. It was a small change, but it made a massive impact on the child, who became less impulsive and more able to engage in purposeful play as a result.

There are times when children become completely overwhelmed or their behaviour becomes dangerous to themselves or others. When this happens, educators often resort to ‘Time Out’ or ‘Thinking time’. This does have some value, as it is a way of pressing pause for the child and the adults looking after them. It is also helpful sometimes for the children who may have witnessed difficult behaviour or been victim of a thrown object or a hit-out.

However, thinking about the concept of ‘Time Out’ has shifted in recent years. In the past, possibly thanks to the TV programme Super Nanny, ‘Time Out’ has been seen as a punishment, or ‘Thinking time’ a time for children to reflect cognitively and come to a place where they make good choices, as opposed to bad choices. Children are asked to think about what they have done, and then make appropriate apologies. In the past, children have been left alone during these thinking times. However, these pause times should be reconfigured, so the child is not left alone. ‘Time In’ has an emphasis on supporting a child who has become overwhelmed and unable to manage their emotions, to co-regulate with a trusted adult nearby. The key is that the child is able to trust the adult who is with them, and the adult who is with them feels confident to support the child.

It is helpful to know how the process works, and the impact on the adult. When a child becomes distressed, their distress naturally impacts the adults around them. As their heart rate increases, so does the adult's. As the adult starts to respond to the child, maybe by rocking them, shushing them or singing to them, the adult's heart rate starts to slow down again. As their heart rate slows down, the child follows. Supporting a child through ‘Time In’ is emotionally, and physically challenging, so educators will need to support each other. What a child needs most is to feel that the adult is in control and will help them feel safe again.