Behaviour: regression

Regression, by which we mean the return to less mature ways of functioning, is a feature of normal development. We all regress at times, be it due to tiredness, stress or illness, or even for the sheer delight of indulging in old familiar pleasures, such as watching a bad film or going to bed early with a cup of cocoa, to give us respite. Less socially - acceptable behaviour, such as squabbling with our partner, while not neccessarily wise, may also be an outlet for our pent up frustrations.

Perhaps it is harder to accept regression in children because the idea of progress is so built in to our expectations of them. We may worry about them falling behind in their development, and it can be difficult to manage when a group of children is disrupted by one who suddenly becomes far more whiny, aggressive, messy or destructive.

ONE STEP BACK

At such times, it is worth bearing in mind that normal development is often uneven, with two steps forward followed by one step back. Growing up can be a complicated business, confronting children with an array of novel situations to be grappled with in an ordinary day. Most children, especially young ones, sometimes feel tired and overwhelmed. If they revert to whiny or clinging behaviour, this may represent their wish for things to be easier, more like they were when they were younger, and extra aggression and destructiveness might reflect anger and frustration that this is no longer possible.

Special events, such as a change of routine or caretaker, an illness or an operation, or the birth of a baby brother or sister, can add to everyday strain and lead to regression. Often the latest achievement is the first to go. When two-year-old Alice's parents went away on holiday, leaving her at her grandparents, everyone was shocked when this fastidious little girl had several toileting accidents and demanded to be put back in the nappies she had delighted in scorning just weeks before.

RESIST THE TEMPTATION

Faced with such situations, it is important to resist the temptation to be reproachful, because these reactions will only add to the stress that is causing the regression in the first place. Far better to address the reasons for the regression. If it seems to be part of the normal ebb and flow of development, you might simply wish to express sympathy that things are a bit difficult at the moment, conveying that things will soon return to normal.

Verbalising feelings such as sadness, jealousy, fear or anger can be helpful, since it implies understanding and acceptance and, from the child's point of view, knowing what he or she is feeling might be the first step towards feeling more in control. We might also decide to temporarily indulge the more babyish wishes and give extra warmth and attention, confident in the child's ability to move on when ready. By continuing to offer age-appropriate play at the same time, we can avoid the danger of encouraging further regression.

When it is clear that a special event has triggered the regression, it might help to link the child's feelings to the event. If the problem is new children in the nursery or a different carer, for example, an adult making the connection can help a child make sense of things. Giving the child a special role such as showing the new children or carer where things are, might encourage a sense of pride in being one of the big ones, which could prove more rewarding than regressing to being one of the 'babies'.

TALK TO PARENTS

If a child is struggling with something at home, it might help to talk to the parents about what is going on, so that attempts are made to reduce the strain on the child. Sometimes, regression can be a very useful tool in drawing adults' attention to arrangements that may need rethinking. It may contain a healthy protest and, as such, be an important communication that we should not ignore.

For example, Timmy spent every Sunday with his Dad, which was lovely for him as he missed his father terribly since he moved to another part of London. But going to nursery on Monday without seeing his Mum was too much of a deviation from his routine, and he became withdrawn and even soiled himself.

After nursery staff had talked to his parents, it was arranged for Timmy to spend Saturdays with his father, returning to his mother on Sundays. This simple change enabled him to revert to his previous lively and curious self. Generally, it is important that parents and teachers are in frequent communication, so they know what is happening in all aspects of a child's life.

They then have the best possible chance of identifying what might lie behind regressive behaviour, of helping the child with his or her feelings and offering stimulating play for moving forward again. If this does not work, and the regression looks as if it might become fixed, parents might be advised to contact their GP to seek further information about referral to an appropriate service.

This article is based on a Nursery World 'Behaviour' series by psychologists at the Anna Freud Centre in north London, a registered charity, offering treatment, training and research into emotional development in childhood