Nursery World - Rough and tough

Children who bully feel that no-one likes them. They try to bully others into being their friends but only succeed in making matters worse, says Andrea Clifford-Poston. They need to be shown kinder ways of getting close As we grow up, we tend to swap childhood behaviours, for example, tantrums, in favour of more adult ways of coping with life. And this makes bullying very interesting. No other childhood behaviour is likely to make adults feel angrier, and yet adults bully! And we also seem ambivalent about bullying. We pass laws to prevent bullying in the workplace and yet phrases like, 'I slapped her into place' are often met with a congratulatory response, 'Well done!'

As we grow up, we tend to swap childhood behaviours, for example, tantrums, in favour of more adult ways of coping with life. And this makes bullying very interesting. No other childhood behaviour is likely to make adults feel angrier, and yet adults bully! And we also seem ambivalent about bullying. We pass laws to prevent bullying in the workplace and yet phrases like, 'I slapped her into place' are often met with a congratulatory response, 'Well done!'

Can you honestly say you have never felt like bullying someone even if you didn't act on it? A lot of bullying can go on in families, but it isn't called bullying, it's called discipline. And what is the difference between charming, persuading, coercing and bullying? Charming has been described as 'getting someone to say yes before they have heard the question'! But charm can easily cross the line to coercion, coercion can easily become bullying.

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