Close attachments and regular routines are among the keys to giving young children a sense of security, writes Penny Tassoni
One thing in life that everyone has to cope with is change. For better or for worse, our lives are simply not static. One moment our favourite takeaway has closed down and the next moment a best friend declares that they are moving to Australia. Coping with change is part of life, though some changes have more impact upon us than others.
For children, change is often more difficult. The old maxim that 'children are adaptable' is quite misleading. Try suggesting to a toddler fixated on having 'their' blue cup that a red one is just as good! Children, probably more so than adults, seem to need stability in their lives. So why is stability important, and how can we help children manage change?
Snuggling in
A good starting point is to think about children's need for stability in relationships. This is particularly important in very early life. Babies seem almost to be pre-programmed to 'attach' or form a strong relationship to their parents or key carers.
John Bowlby, famous for his work on separation, suggested that this might be instinctive. He said babies and young children need strong attachments for their emotional health and well-being. This means they require consistent care from adults they can relate to. Babies and toddlers literally start a grieving process if left in the company of someone they are not attached to. Listening to their grief, even for a few moments, is quite distressing, and maybe this is how nature intended it to sound. Stability, and time to build up new attachments before separation takes place, is therefore important when working with under-threes. This need for stability is reflected in the framework 'Birth to Three Matters'. Here the lovely term 'snuggling in' is included as a way of showing practitioners how to meet this age group's need for a sense of belonging.
For older children, stable relationships continue to matter. Three- and four-year-olds, while showing their independence and their ability to enjoy each other's company, still want to have reliable and consistent adults around them. They look forward to seeing familiar faces and may become upset if they are pushed into situations where they do not recognise adults or children. Finally, it is worth thinking about children who have started school. In an age where wraparound childcare may mean that children have a series of different adults with them over a week, enormous care needs to be taken to make sure that they still feel secure.
So, given that young children have an almost instinctive need for stability, how can we help children to feel secure and also to cope with changes to their care or home circumstances?
Hellos and goodbyes
The way in which children are greeted at nursery and acknowledged when they leave at the end of a session has huge importance. Ideally, regardless of age, children should feel welcomed and special as they step inside. Leaving the familiarity of home is not always easy, especially if you are feeling a bit sleepy or under the weather. It becomes more bearable if met with a smile and some warm words of welcome. Some nurseries and pre-schools develop fun welcoming routines. One lovely example of this is a nursery that has a pet guinea pig in the garden. As part of the routine, children pop out with a member of staff to say hello and sometimes give the pet a lettuce leaf that they've brought from home.
Farewells at the end of the day are also important, as they help the child to adjust back into 'home mode'. For some children the transition in moving from the care of one adult to another is difficult. Reactions are interesting to watch - some children will show unwanted behaviour in order to see where the boundaries now lie. Good relationships between staff and the person who is collecting the child, who in some cases will be a childminder, au pair or relative, therefore play a key part in making the end of a nursery session an easier transition for the child.
Routines count
As well as thinking about providing stable relationships, practitioners should recognise that children and even adults benefit from routines - we are 'creatures of habit'. Interestingly, adults often report feelings of tiredness and being 'out of sorts' when they are put in situations where routines are dropped. It's as if a sense of direction has been lost. It is surprising how quickly you may find yourself developing patterns, even on holiday. For babies, early routines are built around physical needs, but quite quickly they learn to predict parts of the routine. A bib indicates food and so gains an excited response!
As children get older, so routines need to be adapted to meet their needs. Changes become less traumatic, provided that children are able to understand what is likely to happen and, more importantly, how it will personally affect them. It is also helpful if children are given some feeling of control over the ways changes will affect them. They may, for example, be able to choose where to hang up their coat or which toys to pack first. For adults talking to children, it is essential to work out what their perspective may be about any change, as it is often the tiniest details that worry children - for example, the child who moves house and worries, not about their new surroundings, but whether Father Christmas has been informed!
