Q) In my years as a childminder I have cared for a number of children who are reluctant to get involved in 'messy play'. Usually the parents want their children to keep clothes unrealistically clean. But Helena, who is three years old, has been with me for a month now and she is very outspoken about her dislike of 'getting dirty'. I am happy to give her time to get used to painting or using playdough, but she tells off the other children and calls them 'mucky' when they play in the sand pit. My own four-year-old got annoyed when Helena announced that he was 'very naughty' for making a hole in the digging area of my garden.
A) It sounds as if this little girl has been given a very strong message about playing 'properly'. Perhaps it has struck home, especially if she does not like the physical sensations of paint or sand on her hands. You are right to give her time for her own choices for play. I imagine you have also had a quiet word with her parents to get an idea about their views.
But it is not okay for her to give the other children a hard time when their play is fully acceptable to you.
Do take opportunities that arise to show that you respect her feelings, but communicate clearly about your home rules. You might say, 'Helena, I know that you don't like playing with the sand. That's all right. But Max does like the sand pit and he's happy to brush off all the sand afterwards. It's not kind to call him "mucky".' If an incident like the digging is repeated, you could say, 'Please don't call Jamie "naughty". It is not true. Everyone is allowed to dig in that part of the garden, if they want to.'
