Q We have a three-year-old in our nursery who is very outspoken in her views and keen to organise the other children. She has only been with us about a month and we are happy to look for ways to guide her. But her mother seems very irritated by her daughter. We talked about the business of telling the other children what to do in their play, but explained the situation in a very positive way. Now her mother has started to call her daughter 'Miss bossy boots'. She has also asked for suggestions on how to stop her daughter answering back and behaving like she's in charge at home.
A It sounds as if you and your colleagues are taking a sensible approach in coaching this three-year-old in some social skills. It is hard for enthusiastic young children to be able to tell the difference between 'bossing' and 'leading', even though it may be obvious to adults. You can help in nursery by acknowledging a child's 'good suggestion' but creating the space for other children to speak up as well. There are also many opportunities within daily routines to draw on the skills of children who are adept at motivating and enthusing their peers.
Some adults (practitioners as well as parents) rise to a challenge from young children when it is important to the adult that they have the last word. Perhaps you can find a way to suggest to this mother that, unless her daughter is actually rude to her, it is wiser to ignore a bit of answering back. Such exchanges can only turn into a power struggle when an adult lets them.
It would be wise to say, 'We are uncomfortable about you calling your daughter "Miss bossy boots",' and explain, 'She has so many good ideas and she is learning about how to suggest these to her friends rather than tell them what to do.'
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