Q In our pre-school we have a brother and sister who are 14 months apart in age. They spend a lot of time teasing each other and squabbling. We have talked with their father and he says the children behave like this at home.
He and his partner are worn out by the constant bickering and he admits that sometimes they shout at the children in sheer frustration. Yet the children seem to be very fond of each other. At least, they do not jump at the chance to be apart in pre-school, when they could easily separate.
A As I am sure the children's father is aware, we get nowhere as adults if we set a bad example, such as shouting at the children to stop their squabbling. But such a situation is emotionally very wearing.
It is likely that the familiar adults in these children's lives all need to defuse the squabbling habit. Sometimes they will need to be an even-handed umpire, enabling each child to speak more calmly about 'What happened here?' Sometimes the adult will need to say firmly that it does not matter who started it, but we are now telling both combatants to stop and listen to each other, with our help.
It sounds as if both children may need adults to highlight the positives that have taken place in their day in a deliberate way. Try to acknowledge any friendly times between the brother and sister while not undermining the positives with comments such as, 'Why can't you be nice to each other more often?'
These two children are very close to each other in age and it is possible that each child needs to develop a stronger sense of being an individual.
See if you can enable each child to spend some time away from his or her sibling, either by helping out an adult or in an activity with other children.
Unfortunately, Jennie cannot answer letters personally, but letters for publication should be sent to her at the address on page 3.
