NSPCC parenting adviser Eileen Hayes is adamant about the particular danger of emotional abuse. 'We need to be more respectful of our children. People now understand that you don't hit a child. They know it's wrong. But this is more of a challenge.'
Her comments come in support of the newly launched poster campaign by Scottish charity Children 1st designed to encourage parents to reject physical and verbal abuse of children in favour of a more positive approach.
The campaign is being run jointly with Scotland's Violence Reduction Unit. Detective chief superintendent John Carnochan, head of the unit, says, 'Everybody knows that children, young children in particular, imitate the behaviour of the person who looks after them. And if they learn to resolve conflict with violence or anger, then we should not be surprised to see them carry on that pattern of behaviour with their own children. Who among us wants to see that?
'What we want to do is to get people to think about their behaviour and the impact that it might have on their children.'
The posters, featuring images of young children with harsh words scrawled across their faces, are being distributed to libraries, nurseries, playgroups and health centres across Scotland. They are accompanied by leaflets with parenting tips and the number of ParentLine Scotland's free helpline.
The campaign comes as families face increasing problems in their financial and working lives, and Children 1st agrees that the message may prove particularly well-timed for families struggling to come with worsening economic conditions.
Tom Roberts, spokesman for Children 1st, says, 'The campaign has not been specifically planned to coincide with a downturn, but I would say that if times are going to get harder, there are parents who are going to need even more support as they face difficulties with employment and debt.'
He stresses that the intention is not to preach at parents at the end of their tether, but to offer a safety valve.
'Parents phoning our helpline are looking for reassurance to guide them through difficulties they are facing, and we learned that there is a need for support out there. So we're saying, when they lose their rag, then why not telephone and talk through alternatives?'
Teachers culpable
Eileen Hayes, parenting advisor with NSPCC and editor-in-chief of Your Family magazine, says that the occasional raised voice isn't necessarily harmful - depending on the resilience of the child, and in the context of a loving family.
'What is harmful,' she adds, 'is when it never lets up, and the whole interaction is negative, chipping away at self-esteem, so that the children end up believing all of it. And what surprises me is the way that you would never dream of talking like that to another adult, but no-one sees anything wrong with speaking to children that way.'
She points to US-based research which identifies a 'magic ratio' to describe how a positive to negative ratio of at least 4:1 can mean the difference between human flourishing and languishing.
She warns that teachers, too, can be guilty of using sarcasm as part of a now restricted range of discipline options.
'Teachers need to use positive discipline, and more praise than punishment. There will be teachers who also use cold disapproval and sarcastic put-downs. The message to anyone working with children is to treat them with dignity, and more respect.'
The impact on children, she says, is to reduce confidence or, alternatively, create bullies. Paradoxically, an emotionally abused child may appear fairly well-behaved.
Symptoms of abuse
Dr Sue Storey, an Islington-based child and adolescent consultant psychiatrist who has written on the topic for professionals, teachers and parents, believes that staff in schools and nursery settings may observe signs of emotional abuse even in the youngest age groups, by identifying slow development, perhaps difficulties with walking or talking, or a simple 'failure to thrive'.
Older children might appear very quiet or distracted, shy, slow to make peer relationships or slow to develop imaginative play, and may complain of physical ailments.
Emotional abuse, Dr Storey notes, is invariably a factor in every other form of abuse - physical and sexual abuse, and neglect. The area has gained more attention since the abuse and death of Victoria Climbie in February 2000, and the inquiry recommendations that followed three years later.
She says one of the main difficulties is that children suffering emotional abuse don't actually recognise that is what is happening. 'Often parents who do it to their children have experienced it themselves, and are unable to stop. We have all probably been on the receiving end of abuse in our childhood and we all do it to our children, but it is hard to quantify - it is the degree of abuse, over time, constantly criticising and being threatening and rejecting.'
Dr Storey says research is now able to demonstrate that where children are emotionally abused, they develop differently neurologically, either experiencing increased stress, or becoming emotionally blunted, as well as other more subtle developmental impairments.
'Teachers are so well placed to observe this, and they must often think what they observe is not important, but I am always amazed at how parents cannot help themselves in their behaviour. If a teacher observes something over a period of time they should raise it with colleagues.'
PATHS TO POSITIVE RELATIONSHIPS
A North Lanarkshire nursery that piloted a violence prevention programme found children as young as two learning how to overcome frustrations and develop self-confidence.
The 106-place Richard Stewart Nursery in Airdrie has now used PATHS for three years. Developed in the US to promote social and emotional learning and character development and prevent bullying, PATHS helps children build problem-solving abilities and other life skills required for positive relationships. A pre-school component uses puppets, encouraging children to think how best to handle difficult emotional situations.
Nursery manager Margaret McCluskey says the impact of the PATHS curriculum on both children and their parents is remarkable. 'Children respond very well. It empowers them to be independent, develop self-esteem and self-confidence. Children express their feelings and speak about frustrations, even at a young age.'
Ms McCluskey says she and her team work to create an approachable, welcoming environment for parents. As well as being given practical advice on matters such as sleep, toileting and accessing speech therapy, parents are invited to workshops, told in advance about upcoming lessons, and advised on how those lessons can be promoted at home.
'Parents have reported that it has helped them at home.' She says the nursery's parents have also found a stronger voice, with a group of them addressing a major parenting conference.
Jim Beers, quality improvement officer at the local authority, says the council has been working for several years to improve parental involvement in an area of Scotland that traditionally has high levels of deprivation.
He says, 'The nursery end of the market is where mums and dads have least resistance to crossing the threshold, and we want to hook them in at that stage into the idea that taking an interest can make a difference - it has a real, serious impact on a child's life.'
Of the nursery, Ms McCluskey adds, 'We want our children to reach their potential, and we have high expectations. One thing that is vital is the time you spend responding to positive behaviour, so you can build on that. Promoting positive behaviour has to have a long-term impact on the children. It's about mutual respect and listening, between staff, parents and children.
'Feeder primary schools can apparently tell which children have come out of our nursery!'
More information
- Violence Reduction Unit, www.actiononviolence.co.uk
- Children 1st, www.children1st.org.uk, tel. 0131 446 2300
- ParentLine Scotland, confidential helpline 0808 8002222
- NSPCC ChildLine (help for children and young people) tel: 0800 1111
- Child Protection Helpline (helpline for adults) tel: 0808 800 5000
- Your Family magazine, www.yourfamily.org.uk
- www.nspcc.org.uk
- Royal College of Psychiatrists, tel. 020 7235 2351. Factsheets in its
Mental Health and Growing Up series about emotional and psychiatric
disorders that can affect children and young people are available at:
www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinformation/youngpeople.aspx.
