Working Mum - Smarty pants!

Toilet training my two-year-old was very much a team effort between home and nursery. I am incredibly grateful to the nursery practitioners for all the support that they gave not just to my daughter but her dad and me too. They recognised that on the less successful days we all needed some encouragement.

I thought it was opportune to discuss toilet training with DD2's (Dear Daughter 2) key person when DD2 started to show more of an interest in her friends and older sister going to the toilet, soon after she turned two years old. Her key person agreed that DD2 was beginning to mention when her nappy was dirty and that she seemed ready to make the transition. I valued having someone with experience to give me advice even though I had been through it with DD1 (Dear Daughter 1).

My eldest was being cared for by a childminder when she stopped using nappies. The childminder advised me to cut out the potty stage and go straight to the toilet. I feel it was good advice because friends have had problems with their children being scared of sitting on a big toilet whereas it has been the opposite for us - investigating the toileting facilities when we are out is an exciting part of a trip!

STRAIGHT TO KNICKERS

I told DD2's key person that I would prefer for her not to use a potty and she supported me in this. I recall using pull-ups for a time with DD1 but I was advised not to bother because they feel the same as nappies and draw the moisture away. She advised putting her straight into knickers so she would know when she was wet and make the connection. DD2's practitioners also recommended dressing her in trousers and leggings that are easy to pull up and down.

I was reluctant to start toilet training because it is a sign that my 'baby' is growing up. In the end, she made the decision for herself by insisting on putting on some knickers that I had bought in preparation. So, instead of starting toilet training at home over the weekend, her first day without a nappy was at nursery.

Her key person asked me to provide five changes of outfits. This seemed excessive, but that evening five bags of wet clothes came home with her. DD2 had seemed so happy and ready to be out of nappies that I was naively surprised and despondent. Staff told me that it was normal and it would just 'click' with her.

I asked how they react when she wets herself and they told me that they deal with the accidents without fuss. She is encouraged to sit on the toilet and her clothes changed without shame or admonishment. One evening DD2 did look a bit shell-shocked after having to be showered following a particularly messy accident, but she was otherwise positive about not wearing nappies and being 'a big girl'. Above all, she got lots of praise when she did use the toilet - with her big sister enthusiastically joining in the clapping and cheering at home.

ACCIDENT FREE

After a week, the accidents became increasingly infrequent. On the days that she did wet herself staff reassured me that they were down to her being too engaged in her play or simply not getting her clothes off in time. A month in and she has been accident-free for over a week.

I thanked the staff for all their help and was surprised that I was thanked in return - apparently they have encountered parents who want their child to be without a nappy only at nursery as they don't want to deal with the mess at home. I was told it makes for a long, difficult process - which sounds pants to me!

A WORD OF ADVICE

Timing is the most important factor when it comes to toilet training.

Toilet training can be an anxious time for parents, so no surprise then that many turn to their children's nursery for advice and reassurance.

The single most important message to give to parents is that of timing. Pick the right time, and accidents will be fewer and the process all the quicker - and less stressful for child and parents.

There is huge variation when children reach the level of maturity needed to start toilet training, but most are ready between the ages of 18 months and three years.

To know when a child is ready to start toilet training, look out for:

- physical signs - for toilet training to be successful, a child must have the necessary muscle and sensory maturity to delay and release excretions in one go; common signs include: a child will no longer have bowel movements at night, will have dry periods of at least two hours, has the co-ordination to walk steadily

- behavioural signs - a child dislikes the feeling of wearing a wet or dirty diaper, shows interest in others' bathroom habits, indicates when they're having a bowel movement, and demonstrates a desire for independence

- cognitive signs - a child understands the physical signals that mean they have to go to the toilet, can follow simple instructions, and has words for urine and stool.

More information

Potty training checklist, www.babycenter.com/0_potty-trainingreadiness-checklist_4384.bc

Potty training advice, www.zerotothree.org/child-development/early-development/all-about-potty-training.html

'At the ready', www.nurseryworld.co.uk/tassoni-two-year-olds, 'A wee problem', www.nurseryworld.co.uk/nursery-world/news/1099275/ toilet-training-wee.

'A parent's guide to potty training', www.nurseryworld.co.uk/nursery-world/news/1084979/parents-guide-potty-training.

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