Would like to meet

It may make a nanny's heart sink to read the research estimate that nearly half the population now meet their future partners at work. Chance would be a fine thing of that happening to you. Of course, all it means is that, like the remaining half of the population, you will have to find other ways and means of meeting the opposite sex.

It's true that relationships often begin with random encounters and you never know what may be just around the corner. But if you want to give fate a little help, here's how.

First, stop sulking in your bedroom, feeling sorry for yourself if everyone you know is paired off. The sad fact is that if you spend your time simply hanging around waiting for someone to ask you out, it probably won't happen. You need to be out there, getting involved in activities and interests - so not only will you not look too desperate, but you will also be a much more interesting person.

Having friends of both sexes is important. Some women regard all other women as rivals where affairs of the heart are concerned, paying little attention to cultivating friendships with their own sex. This is a mistake.

We all need good friends and, besides, girls have brothers, cousins, male friends - who knows who they might introduce you to?

If you have just landed a job in a new area, or all the people you used to know have moved from your home town, you need to look for ways of expanding your social circle. In your local library there will be lists of all the clubs, activities and classes available in the area. If you already have a special interest - whether it's playing the cello or cycling - you will probably find it quite easy to link up with like-minded people. If you don't have that, then it's a matter of trying out all sorts of activities until you find something appealing. Most clubs and classes will let you have a 'taster' session before you pay fees or a subscription, which will allow you to shop around while surreptitiously keeping an eye open for any likely talent!

STEP BY STEP

However, if you still feel this is leaving things too much to chance, you could enlist the help of some more formal matchmakers. People are now much more prepared to admit that they found their partner through a dating agency or through a personal ad, and all sorts of new ways of helping singles to meet are being invented.

The coming of the internet has made it much easier for people to be put into in touch with each other. This can be a good way of making new contacts, but make sure you know the rules of the game first.

* Approach each person with an initial healthy scepticism and don't believe everything you are told. It's so easy for anyone to lie about their appearance, age or marital status on the internet.

* Resist giving out your own personal contact details. Some online dating services allow you to send and receive e-mail without using your real e-mail address. It's true that you can still retain your anonymity by using your own address, but that won't keep you from being bombarded with unwanted messages.

* If you want to take a relationship further, talk to the person on the phone before you agree to meet up. This will give you some idea of his social skills and how good he is at spontaneous conversation. Make sure you telephone him rather than giving out either your home or work phone number.

Be prepared for him to sound entirely different from how you imagined. You might be put off as soon as you hear his voice.

* If the telephone contact has made you feel even warmer to a particular man, the next step will be to meet up in person. Here you should apply the same rules as you would with anyone else you are dating for the first time, even if you have had long intimate conversations over the internet for some months. Meet in a busy, public place, preferably during daylight hours, and organise your own transport there and back - and make sure you use it.

Also, be sure to tell a friend or relative where you are going, and check in with them when you get back.

SPEED IT UP

Another form of organised dating currently taking the country by storm is Speed Dating. This allows you to go along with a group of friends, and it can be tremendous fun. Look out for speed dating venues in your area - they are mainly advertised on the internet, but you can also check out posters or ads in the local newspaper. Each event will cost between 20 and 25 and you have to pre-book. The deal is that 15 to 20 unattached men and the same number of unattached women meet at an arranged venue - usually a pub or hotel. When you arrive you register and have a drink at the bar and you are briefed by a co-ordinator. Couples are asked to sit down and have three minutes to get to know each other. A bell then rings and the men circulate, moving on to the next female. Everyone has a name badge and a card on which they can tick the name of anyone they would like to meet again. These cards are handed in at the end of the session, and if there are any mutual 'ticks', the co-ordinator will contact you in a few days with further contact details. You are also allowed time at the end to mingle and meet people again.

Time will tell whether this is really a successful way of bringing people together - but where else will you have the chance to talk to 20 single men in one evening?

Going out on a date with a new man can be very exciting, but try not to expect too much in the early days, and don't become disheartened if a relationship doesn't progress. At least you are getting plenty of dating practice, and in affairs of the heart it's a case of try, try and try again. Or, as the saying goes, be prepared to kiss an awful lot of frogs before you meet your prince!

YOU'RE IN LOVE!

You've met your ideal man and the future looks rosy. But don't expect your nanny employers to welcome him with open arms.

The problem now is how to fit your man into your often quite complicated working life. Problems are compounded if you have a live-in nanny job.

Ideally, the rules about boyfriends should be discussed at a job interview so, at least, you know your employer's attitude. They are right to be cautious about whom they have in their home. They may fear that the man is getting access to their home in order to check out the property prior to burgling it (this has happened). They may even be afraid that he is using you to get to their children. Yes, it does sound insulting that they have so little trust in your judgement, but at the beginning, it's best if you meet your boyfriend away from your workplace. Definitely do not allow him to stay overnight without your employers' knowledge. Once they realise that a relationship is stable and long-term, they will probably feel much happier about having him around.

You should also make a few rules for yourself. Don't allow him to feel that he can drop in to see you whenever he feels like it during your working day. It's important that you keep a clear demarcation between your work and your love life. After all, if you were working in a nursery or school, he wouldn't be able to make casual visits. It may be tempting to invite him on walks or picnics with the children, but this too should be avoided, unless you specifically ask your employer for permission. You may love him to bits, but you really can't expect your employers to feel the same way!