Working Mum - Flights of fancy

Nursery and school dressing-up or theme days are like Marmite: parents either love them or hate them. I hate them. During DD1 (dear daughter 1)'s first two terms at school, we have tallied up seven such days where she's been asked to wear something other than her uniform. In comparison, it hardly seems worth mentioning the two fancy dress days we've had to contend with at DD2's nursery.

It annoys me that we are often told about the event only a week before, giving us little time to prepare. Also, I strongly dislike how these seemingly innocent fun days put parents into opposing camps - creative parents come into their own, while those with little imagination suffer. Those with lots of time on their hands excel, while us working parents struggle or resort to sourcing expensive outfits on the internet in our lunch breaks.

OFF THE WALL

Some of DD1's theme days have been easy -we've accumulated various Halloween outfits and she already had a Christmas jumper - but sometimes it isn't so simple.

A charity fundraising day where she could wear pyjamas to school resulted in us spending more money on some new PJs than we donated to the charity itself - she'd outgrown all of hers and only had nighties.

The superhero day to celebrate the end of a class topic forced me to send an SOS text to friends, who came to the rescue with kind offers of Superman and Tree Fu Tom outfits.

Then there are the more off-the-wall dressing-up days that seem like the teaching staff are setting tricky homework for the parents (the onus is never on the children to make outfits themselves). This happened for us on last month's World Book Day.

Judging by the excited messages on our school parents' Facebook page, some eager mums were gearing up for the day for weeks, carefully gathering props and sewing outfits. I lazily had a Peppa Pig outfit in mind (I wasn't cheating; DD1 enjoys the books), and then a letter was sent out six days before the event saying that the whole school was studying Flotsam by David Wiesner, and pupils were asked to dress up in an 'under the sea' theme.

Well, it gave me a laugh at the dismayed fancy-dress-lovers' expense before I spent my Friday evening Googling for inspiration and dragged the girls around the shops the following morning in search of a large, plain hoodie to turn into an octopus.

JELLYFISH AND HARRY POTTER

World Book Day did showcase imaginations and creativity as parents at DD1's school managed to turn around some great outfits with jellyfish mingling with deep-sea divers and, somewhat desperately, Harry Potter in goggles. But it also demonstrated another reason I'm a dressing-up hater: no matter what the theme, the princesses are always out in force.

They were even evident on superhero day, although it could be argued that Frozen's Elsa and Anna qualify. And I hate that dressing-up brings gender segregation to the fore, with girls in frilly dresses and boys saving the world.

Dressing-up days feel like a chore and a test. I want to embrace them to send the message to teachers that I do care about my child's schooling and I do want to be involved in it, especially as I can't volunteer because I'm at work. Also, I want both my children to belong and to fit in with their peers. But I am left questioning, after all the hassle and expense, what do the children actually gain from these days?

Another view

Barbara Kenny, head teacher of Alexandra Nursery School and Daycare Centre in Bolton, gives the provider's perspective.

In our school we only have one or two dressing-up days a year.

We tell our parents two months in advance that children can come dressed up for World Book Day (not compulsory), in two newsletters and via the school app.

However, we asked the children to come dressed as a story character, so I was dismayed to see so many children dressed as princesses Elsa and Anna, Spiderman and other superheroes - these are not characters from stories the children hear at school. The supermarkets have cottoned on to this, and from the beginning of March there were lots of outfits to buy off-the-shelf.

The best outfits are those where parents have used things that they have at home and it links to a story that the children know, but this year only one child came in an outfit made by his mum - he was the Tin Man from The Wizard of Oz. He had a plastic funnel wrapped in tinfoil on his head, a cardboard heart pinned to his jumper and an axe made from cardboard that he had decorated himself. We don't give prizes but, if we did, he would have got one.

I understand that it is difficult for working parents to spend time on this, and that buying an outfit is easier. But a couple of hours at the weekend creating something out of card and paper or old clothes, mostly done by the child, is a valuable experience for children and their parents. Otherwise, the supermarkets are the real winners.

My view is that it should not be a competition but a chance to do something different, so it should be made as simple as possible.

Next, we have an Easter hat parade and parents are asked to make a hat with their child and bring it in - we will see a huge range from very simple to very elaborate. Children who don't bring one are given an Easter crown to wear and everybody parades while the parents applaud. Everyone gets a small chocolate egg to take home. As I said, it's a celebration and not a competition.