Positive relationships: Attachment, part 2: Feeling secure

Q: Why are secure attachments important?

Secure attachments provide a safe base for a child, reducing fearfulness and stress while building confidence and self-esteem. As Maria Robinson writes in From Birth to One - The year of opportunity: 'The child who is loved, encouraged, respected and comforted is able to learn about the world in a context of emotional safety, and about themselves as fundamentally loveable' (p41).

This is what we want for all children, but a child who does not experience these things, who doesn't feel 'safe' or 'loveable', is likely to demonstrate this in challenging behaviours and probably will not only find making relationships difficult, but is likely to be too stressed to be able to learn.

Q: How does secure attachment develop?

Human babies need attachment to others for their survival. And although we think of them as helpless and completely dependent on others for their care and protection, babies are also very active in ensuring that we give them the attention they need. Their instinctive attachment-seeking behaviours attract the care-giving behaviours of others. Think of the crying baby and how difficult it is to ignore.

But babies don't just want their physical needs met. They are also instinctively triggering the responses and sensory stimulation from others that will help build their brains, and to do this they need to keep their protectors close by.

None of us are born with the ability to regulate our own emotions, but a baby soon learns that when it signals distress (which will feel uncontrollable and intolerable to them), a responsive caregiver can soothe the distress and 'regulate' the feeling.

We now know that baby's brains are affected by stress because the levels of cortisol, or 'stress hormone', can be measured scientifically. Babies instinctively look to their primary and secondary attachment figures to reduce the stress caused by anything that makes the baby feel unsafe - and, of course, in the context of daycare, that secondary figure will be the baby's key person.

A child who is securely attached learns that these are the people who can comfort and soothe them and that they won't be left to suffer their distress for too long. Their emotions are regulated for them by the carer and, over time, the child becomes more capable of appropriate self-regulation. This, in turn, helps build self-confidence and resilience as the child matures into adulthood.

Just as importantly, the child learns that a secure attachment cannot be broken, for example, by them being naughty, or by the mood of the adult. It is crucial that a child learns that even when there is conflict or disapproval (which is inevitable in family life), the relationship can be restored. This is fundamental to secure attachments. It is what enables a child to grow up with emotional security and self-confidence.

Babies with a strong primary attachment are not usually affected by short separations, provided that someone with whom they have a strong secondary attachment is looking after them. A child's resilience to stress is usually better when they have three or more strong secondary attachment relationships.

Q: What makes these relationships special?

The special features of these secure relationships, whether they are with primary or secondary figures, is that they are responsive, sensitive, affectionate and predictable. It is when the caregivers do not (or are unable to) respond predictably with sensitivity and affection, putting their own needs before that of the baby, that attachments become troubled or 'insecure'. This is just as relevant in care settings as in the home.

So what kind of responsiveness do babies and young children need? We know they must not be ignored for too long, but neither do they require us to be jumping anxiously to meet their every requirement. What they need is a relaxed, affectionate responsiveness that is 'contingent' - a tailor-made response to the very particular needs and states of the individual child, at any given time.

A parent or carer who is 'tuned in' to a baby will be sensitive to their changing mood or motivations and be able to take their cues from the child as to what response is needed. In fact, it is this recognition of the baby's states that helps them to know who they are and to develop a strong sense of 'self'. At the same time, they are also learning that their needs and intentions can be held in someone else's mind.

Q: Why is a feeling of 'being held in mind' important?

To begin with, a baby needs the presence of their attachment figures to feel safe, but if the care is continuous and predictable, the feelings of being safe grow and persist even when the child is alone in their cot. A securely attached child carries with them the sense of being nurtured and cared for - they know they are held in the mind of their parents and wider family. An important aspect of helping children settle into daycare or school is keeping the parents in mind for the child, as well as reassuring them that they also exist for the parent.

This feeling of safety and ultimately not being alone in the world is something that is probably at the heart of all human emotion and yet taken for granted - when it is there. For some children, however, there is no certainty that they are held in mind by the people who matter to them and the world is therefore a very scary and stressful place.

Further reading

- The Science of Parenting - Practical guidance on sleep, crying, play and building emotional well-being for life by Margot Sunderland (Dorling Kindersley)

- From Birth to One -The year of opportunity by Maria Robinson (Open University Press)

- Why Love Matters - How affection shapes a baby's brain by Sue Gerhardt (Brunner-Routledge)

- Understanding Attachment and Attachment Disorders by Vivien Pryor and Danya Glaser (Jessica Kingsley Publishers)

- 'Attachment in Practice' - DVD and user notes by Siren Films

- Key Persons in the Early Years Foundation Stage by Dorothy Selleck (Early Education, www.early-education.org.uk)

- Contemporary Issues in the Early Years edited by Gillian Pugh and Bernadette Duffy (Sage Publications)

- 'Being Held in Another's Mind' by Jeree Pawl, available at www.wested.org/online_pubs/ccfs-06-01-chapter1.pdf

Attachment part 3

'How insecure attachments affect children' will be published in Nursery World on 6 December

LINKS TO EYFS GUIDANCE

- UC 1.1 Child Development

- PR 2.4 Key Person-secure attachment.