Q: My staff are fairly adept at dealing with young children when their stock answer seems to be 'No', but are far more perplexed about how best to respond when a child's repeated response is 'Why?' Why do some children constantly ask 'Why?', what is the best approach to take, and what advice might parents be able to pass on?
A: As this team realises, it is not unusual for older toddlers and two-year-olds to go through a phase of using 'No' liberally. However, not all children, usually around the age of three or four, embrace the habit of constantly asking 'Why?' with equal enthusiasm. Or maybe the words they use to ask a long list of questions are varied and so are potentially less irritating for the adults caring for them.
During early childhood, children need to build their spoken language skills, and, of course, they benefit enormously from gaining a large vocabulary they can use spontaneously in everyday communication. But they also come to learn the different ways that language can be used, such as asking and answering questions. If all is developing 'normally' in a child, then they will have grasped this basic conversational idea by the time they are two years old.
Some two-year-olds may have been posing questions before their second birthday, using a questioning intonation and an expectant expression. They then move on to steadily learning and using key questioning words: what and when, where and how, what for and why.
Of course, all young children need to hear these words in context, and in positive experiences with familiar adults who are genuinely interested in the questions that a child would like to have answered that day.
Using 'why' - like 'how' or 'how come' - is significant, as it often signals that a threeor four-year-old has begun to grasp the concept of causality. Events often happen for a reason; there is usually an explanation for why people do something or how the world appears.
PATTERNS OF BEHAVIOUR
So, how should adults respond to a child's repeated use of 'Why'? As with other aspects of a child's behaviour, you should observe the child to establish when and how often the questions occur. Various patterns of behaviour may emerge. Take the following children, for example.
- Hamid asks 'Why?', listens to your answer, then poses another related question. The sequence can be long.
- Ellie often asks searching questions, to which there is no easy answer.
- Sara launches into another 'Why?' almost before you have finished your answer to the previous question.
- Jack loves to tease and has a broad grin on his face as he loads 'Why?' upon 'Why?'
- Is the emotional feel more confrontational? Kayleigh's use of 'Why?' is confrontational and seems to say 'Why do I have to...?'
Whatever you consider may be at the root of a child's 'Why? Why? Why?', the key point is to remain calm and attentive and to make an appropriate response. Use the clues in the patterns of behaviour that you have noticed in your interactions with the child to inform your responses.
UNRAVEL A MYSTERY
Part of being an active learner is feeling and expressing curiosity. From the above examples, you can see that some of the children are using 'why' to acquire knowledge. Hamid, for example, clearly wants to unravel a mystery that matters very much to him.
A series of 'why' questions may feel a bit like an inquisition after several rounds of Q&A, but children deserve to receive proper answers to their questions from familiar adults. Sometimes it may help to admit, 'I'm not being clear, am I?' or look to other sources to help you explain - for example, suggesting 'Shall we find a picture to explain that bit.'
Some parents, and perhaps some practitioners, feel uneasy about questions that they struggle to answer fully. Yet inquisitive children like Ellie deserve an honest and helpful response, such as, 'That's an interesting question. I need to put my thinking cap on' or 'I don't know the answer. I wonder how we could find out.'
Faced with many similar questions on the same subject, it can be all right to say that the pavement 'just is hard' or that water is wet, 'that's the way it is'. Fourand five-year-olds often ask philosophical questions, such as why are people nasty to each other - and keep asking because an adult's replies do not help much. Sometimes you have to admit that it is too hard to explain.
FUNNY PHRASES
In some instances, 'why' questions are used for reasons other than acquiring knowledge. It is not unusual for young children, having unlocked the power of language, to then overuse a word or phrase. Often they lock on to a phrase that they think is funny, and even funnier with constant repetition - though such repetition, with no apparently 'sensible' reason, can strain the patience of even the most resilient and understanding of early years practitioners or parents.
If you look again at the examples given, you can see that Sara uses 'why' questions as a strategy to keep a conversation going. Maybe she likes to talk and has understood that in a conversation, each person has to say something in turn. However, aged only three and a half, she has not fully understood that you sustain a conversation through various comments and responses, not just by questions, and certainly not by the same question. After several 'why' questions from Sara, you could counter with an alternative that makes sense in this conversation, like 'What do you think?'
Jack and Kayleigh appear to be using their 'why' questions for personal, rather than intellectual reasons. In such cases, you can reply to the first few questions but then change tack - saying, perhaps, 'Give me a clue, why what?' or 'Do you really want to know why?'
With the likes of Jack, you could call the child's bluff - 'I see you've got your jokey face on.' With children like Kayleigh, you would explain once or twice - such as, 'We hold hands when we walk to the park, because that is the safe thing to do' - then call a halt and change tack - 'Holding hands is what we do. Now do you want to join the trip to find conkers?'
PARENTS AS PARTNERS
It is worth talking to the parents of a child who repeatedly asks 'Why?', as it will help you establish whether they behave in a similar way at home and how their parents react. You may gain a better understanding of how to respond and the parents may welcome exchanging a few ideas with you.
For example, maybe Kayleigh's parents are always asking her why she has done something wrong. Young children are unlikely to produce a coherent answer beyond 'because', so Kayleigh may regard her cross-questioning in the nursery as normal.
In some instances, you may be able to advise the parents about how to respond. For example, are Ellie's and Hamid's parents at ease with their children's intellectual curiosity, or wondering if it seems a little odd for a young child? Explaining aspects of child development and offering a positive response will be welcome.
