How do you feel when someone is too busy to talk to you, cuts you off because something else has caught their attention, finishes your sentences, or simply doesn’t listen? It is frustrating and can also leave you feeling rejected or insignificant. If this happens regularly, you might try to regain control by speaking louder or acting up to draw attention – or you might retreat and stop voicing your needs and opinions altogether.
If such interactions can have a strong impact on an adult’s self-esteem, imagine how much more they can affect a young child. It is therefore important to ensure that you have positive, meaningful and effective interactions with the children in your care, because they are the bedrock of relationships and attachment.
‘Relationships are at the heart of high-quality interactions,’ says early years adviser and author Julie Fisher. ‘And you don’t build good relationships with children unless you listen to them and learn more about them, and you have the potential to do both through a good interaction. If the practitioner that you’re fond of listens to you and the news you’ve got, or the story you want to tell, then that improves the relationship you have with them. And you are more likely to talk to them another time.’
When an adult engages in a genuine, emotionally attuned interaction with a child, it affirms the child’s sense of self, says education consultant, author and trainer Penny Tassoni. She explains that the child feels heard and valued, which strengthens their self-esteem and sense of security. ‘When interactions are weak, I question what that means in terms of children’s feelings, sense of self and attachment,’ she adds. ‘I would put quality interactions as a priority because from there we also look at children’s development of all things that surround the acquisition of language – how we literally have a tune as we talk, the meaning of words and phrases, developing vocabulary and the structure of sentences – and linked to that is children’s understanding of the world, cognition and information processing, which are all bundled together.’
Fisher suggests that not enough staff teams actually look together at what they believe a quality interaction should be. ‘It’s often thought that it’s “just” chatting with children or answering a child’s questions,’ she explains. ‘And they don’t always realise the depth of what lies beneath that interaction and in fact how tricky it is to be an early childhood educator who says the right thing at the right time.
‘The importance of interactions has been increasingly made explicit in the EYFS, but often, when responding, practitioners do so at two ends of a continuum. Either practitioners don’t see their role as an educator and just say “How lovely” before moving on, or they’re too busy looking for an Early Learning Goal and take children off in a direction that suits them instead of sustaining an interaction that enhances language, communication and relationships.’
WHAT IS A QUALITY INTERACTION?
Tassoni describes a quality interaction as a two-way ‘shared moment’ where the adult is focused on the child and listening to them vocalising, whether that is the babbling of a baby or a pre-school child using words and sentences. ‘It’s about the adult listening, responding, following what the children are interested in and talking about.’
She cautions against ‘inappropriate questioning’ with the example of a child showing a practitioner their new T-shirt and then taking the child away from talking about how pleased they are with it by asking what colour it is and then discussing that colour.
Fisher makes the vital distinction between an adult leading the learning – which is when careful questioning to assess knowledge and understanding is sometimes required – and time when the child has agency, is in control and leads their own learning. ‘Then anything we say or suggest must only be to help children achieve their own goals and not take them towards a goal that suits us better,’ she explains. ‘Asking lots of questions, in a child-led context, is often about testing knowledge, not about provoking thinking, and that’s not appropriate.’
She adds that it is important to tune in to a child’s body language and facial expressions along with their words. After listening, she recommends responding genuinely with a comment, perhaps sharing a similar situation or asking for the child to tell you more because it is fascinating, rather than always falling back on questioning.
There is a skill to tuning in to a child and recognising what they want to say. Tassoni advises using open-ended questions and comments, because they do not shut down or derail conversations (see box, below). ‘“I wonder” phrases work really well,’ she says. ‘So, “I wonder why you like the T-shirt so much…” And with a big gap, because the child might need time to think it through. It could be that their mummy bought it, or it’s the same as a friend’s, or they don’t know but now they’re having a little think. People usually feel that teaching is about asking questions, but teaching is rarely about asking questions. Teaching is about making comments and speculating with children.’
Rather than feeling the need to always plan opportunities for talk, Fisher believes that many effective interactions occur naturally. ‘Children actually talk most when they talk about themselves,’ she says. ‘So we need to be particularly alert to those conversations about new shoes or a visit to the vet. In any interaction, there are nouns and adjectives, verbs and adverbs, phrases and sentences. We do not have to plan or invent something to talk about that promotes the use of language.
‘I’m not saying don’t teach specialist language or emphasise new language if perhaps you go to the zoo or the local shops, or when you choose a story or a song. But it is important that children are listening to the language of the every day, that takes place in genuine contexts. And important too that practitioners respond to and extend that language when children are most receptive. When this happens, practitioners are also teaching children the joy of communication; the pleasure that comes from somebody listening to you and you listening to them. Obviously that develops with age, but the “back and forth” that characterises a quality interaction is practised most naturally in the conversations that children bring to us and which they are, therefore, anxious to sustain.’
Along with conversing, Tassoni says practitioners need to be comfortable simply ‘being’ with a child, not saying anything and waiting for the child to be ready to vocalise. The important characteristic of a high-quality interaction is that it takes two. ‘If we’re talking all the time then all we hear is our own voice,’ agrees Fisher. ‘We don’t hear the voice of the child.’
ENSURING QUALITY INTERACTIONS
‘Practitioners are busy people. Early childhood settings are busy places. But nothing matters more than stopping getting down, listening, tuning in and responding to children,’ emphasises Fisher. ‘Practitioners need to find children fascinating, because if they don’t, they won’t take the time it takes to have a quality interaction. Children need practitioners who aren’t so busy that when they start a conversation – something that matters to them – the practitioner prioritises it over pretty much everything.’
Tassoni adds, ‘An interaction with a child who wants to talk to you because they are disappointed that they didn’t get a turn on a bicycle will have a very different flavour from a child who’s bouncing in with a birthday badge and brimming with joy and excitement. The pace and our response need to be different. An excited child may be so fizzing that they won’t generate a long interaction, while there may be a longer interaction with a disappointed child and, in a way, for that child it is more meaningful because it’s also about co-regulation.’
Tassoni recommends managers and room leaders actively watch interactions and use them as learning opportunities. Rather than telling people when they have got it wrong, which can make them anxious and self-critical, she suggests recognising when people have got it right. ‘Help them to realise that it was a special moment, see if they could feel it as well and also how it made them feel as an adult,’ she says. ‘Ask them what were the signs that they observed from the child that it was going well and reflect upon them. By focusing on what is going well then we can do more of those.’
She also suggests filming short interactions and watching them back later in a supportive and safe environment. ‘Lead from the front, so the starting point is for someone to film you and then you can critique it together,’ says Tassoni. ‘You can then see if you’re talking too quickly or not giving a child enough space for answers, which is very common.’
Tassoni acknowledges that it is much easier to have quality interactions one-to-one than it is in a group scenario, which is why it is important to capitalise on care routines. ‘The skill to working in a group is to find an activity that is so engaging – such as a sensory activity – that if you can’t respond to a child directly and immediately because you’re already interacting with another child, that they’re perfectly happy,’ she advises.
‘It’s really important, particularly for children whose language is still very much in development, that they get a long enough interaction and that they can get to the end of what they want to say. Then there is a feeling of finishing and completion. It is something we have to be aware of, especially in group care.’
Strategies for quality interactions
- Take time to build relationships with the children in your care and get to know their individual interests.
- Get onto the child’s level and tune into their pace and body language.
- Make the most of care routines for meaningful interactions during one-to-one time, such as nappy changes. These moments are good for having sustained interactions without interruption.
- Join in with children’s play, taking care to follow their lead and interests rather than your own agenda.
- Don’t rush children to respond. Give them ample time to listen, process what has been said and then reply.
- Take time to listen to a child’s response, consider what their focus is and then respond appropriately.
- Remember that interactions are two-way conversations or a shared moment rather than you bombarding a child with questions.
- Use open-ended questions and comments – those that can’t be answered by a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ response or a one-word answer (see below).
- Relax and enjoy your interactions – children can sense when you are genuinely engaged.
- Take care to ensure that you are not overlooking the quiet children and only interacting with the talkative ones.
- Think of the environment – children need to hear sounds in order to replicate them, so small, cosy spaces can reduce background noise. Also, don’t overlook the outdoors where sound does not reverberate.
Talking in this way can also help children to feel that their thoughts and feelings are valued and wanted.
CASE STUDY: RAFA Kidz Cranwell in Sleaford, Lincolnshire
Having quality interactions between staff and children at RAFA Kidz Cranwell – winner of Nursery of the Year at the Nursery World Awards 2024 – is regarded as essential for fostering trust and emotional security. This is especially important because they predominantly work with military families where often one parent will be away on deployment for long periods of time.
‘We want to give every child that dedicated time to enable them to develop attachments, feel safe and secure and listened to,’ explains nursery manager Sonia Church. ‘We want them to be heard and be able to share their ideas and allow their opinions to shine through so they know they are valued.’
One-to-one
The staff team follow the Pikler approach, which emphasises respectful interactions and a slower, more considered attitude towards care routines, which Church says allows children ‘respect and dignity’ in their interactions and also enables them to have quality one-to-one time.
‘We’re such a busy setting so it’s important to take a step back and slow down. And that’s when you get the best interactions with children when it’s not rushed,’ she explains. ‘Caregiving routines are uninterrupted times when we talk directly to the child and are fully engaged with them. We may have a chat or sing a song together. Even with our youngest non-verbal children, we talk and interact through our body language, our eye contact and warm and open gestures. We also have a lot of mirrors in our baby rooms so they can see themselves and their own expressions.’
The nursery has Elklan Communication Friendly Spaces accreditation and staff ensure the environment is calm with a ‘home from home’ feeling so that children feel relaxed and confident to interact with others. ‘If it’s too busy and noisy then you’re not going to get the best out of children,’ says Church. It is open plan, so care has been taken to create small, cosy spaces where children can snuggle with a friend or practitioner and interact with less interruption.
Taking time
‘We also considered what quality interactions look like and have reflected on our practice,’ says Church. The nursery has a mentoring system and will ‘buddy up’ practitioners who are seen to be struggling with quality interactions with another who demonstrates them well in order to directly share good practice.
‘Often practitioners feel that they have to be firing questions at children to show that they are “teaching”, rather than actually listening to children,’ says Church. ‘Instead, we try to give children ample time to respond to comments – they need around ten seconds to process what has been said and think of a response, which is actually a long time.’
Early Years Teacher Ella Dockerty adds, ‘We find that using open terms such as “I wonder…” works well because they are not closed questions with a right or wrong answer. It gives children time to think and let them learn through doing, rather than giving them an answer.’
Tuning in
Staff also put great importance on knowing children well in order to get the best interactions, which includes having a strong key-person approach. ‘We’ve got some children who are very outgoing and will talk all the time, and then we’ve got others that can be quiet and they need that scaffolding to be able to interact with others,’ explains Church. ‘It’s important for the adult to facilitate that and not let those children who are quieter get overlooked.’
Knowing children’s interests enables staff to plan activities that will captivate them. ‘If they are engaged in an activity then children almost don’t realise that they are talking and interacting when they may normally get quite nervous in a group situation,’ says Dockerty.
‘It’s important for practitioners to be engaged in what is happening as well and not distracted, which includes ensuring you’ve got resources ready in advance. We want children to share their thinking and their expertise with us, so there is a balancing act between making sure that not everything is led by us but also moving on the children’s learning and supporting their development.’
FURTHER INFORMATION
- Interacting or Interfering? Improving Interactions in the Early Years by Julie Fisher (Open University Press)
