Autism is a life-long developmental disorder affecting about half a million people in the UK. The autistic spectrum is very wide and each person can be affected differently. Discovering that their child has autism can be a bewildering experience for a parent and throws up many questions about the condition that they want answered. One area where they seek information is the effect of diagnosis, not just on the autistic child, but also on the rest of the family:
- What will the diagnosis mean for my child?
A diagnosis of autism for your child does not mean your child cannot have a happy childhood and adulthood. It does not mean they will not have interests and abilities that give them a lot of joy and sense of fulfilment. It does not mean your child will not have friendships and companionships. It does mean, however, that your child will approach and acquire all of these things in a different way. There will be some things your child will be unable to achieve, but with help, support and the right information, you can discover and develop your child's strengths.
- What will the diagnosis mean for my family?
You will need to find some way of accepting and coming to terms with the diagnosis. Many parents describe going through a process of grieving for the child they thought they had but now know they do not have, then reaching a point where they realise the love they have for their child will not change. They realise their child has a special and unique personality and they are not defined by having autism. Understanding there are many ways of helping your child achieve their full potential can give you goals to work towards and hope that many things can improve. None of us know what the future holds for our children, whether they are affected by autism or not.
Your child's autism will alter the way you do things as a family and even what you do personally. Children with autism can demand a lot of attention and you will need to arm yourself with as much knowledge and support for yourself as you can.
Having a child with autism places a great strain on parents and many find their marriages suffer. You may feel that your entire life revolves around coping with your child. Counselling with someone knowledgeable and experienced in working with families affected by autism can be enormously helpful.
- Effects on your other neuro-typical children
A great deal of research suggests that the siblings of a child with a disability (including autism) can be profoundly affected. Of course, there can also be many positive aspects to learning to accept and understand those with disabilities or difficulties at such a young age. The UK charity Sibs (www.sibs.org) supports and advises child and adult siblings of people with disabilities. Sibs acknowledges that siblings may often feel isolated or that they do not get enough of their parents' attention. They may dislike the stares their brother or sister may attract from strangers in public and be alarmed by their sibling's difficult or unusual behaviour.
You can help the other children by:
- Teaching them as much as they can understand about autism
- Emphasising their sibling's good points and the good times they have had together
- Giving your neuro-typical children plenty of opportunities to have your full attention, including outings when their sibling is elsewhere
- Encouraging their own interests and friendships and showing lots of interest and enthusiasm about them
- Talking to your child about their concerns. Your child may have fears about whether their own children will have autism or whether they will have to look after their disabled sibling one day
- Not expecting your neuro-typical children to act as babysitter to their sibling and not allowing them to be or feel responsible for their sibling
If your neuro-typical children suffer emotionally, do not ignore this. Think about whether specialist counselling could support and help them.
This is an edited extract from 'Autism - A Parent's Guide' by Hilary Hawkes (c)
AUTISM GUIDEBOOK
Autism - A Parent's Guide by Hilary Hawkes (Need2Know, £8.99) is a friendly, easy-to-read guidebook. It addresses parents' common questions about the nature of autism and offers practical ideas and strategies for helping a child with the condition.
Other Need2Know titles include: Allergies - A Parent's Guide by Victoria Goldman, Asperger's Syndrome - The Essential Guide by Hilary Hawkes, and ADHD - The Essential Guide by Diane Paul. All are priced £8.99.
For information, visit: www.need2know.co.uk
