Two-year-olds: Relationships - Safe and secure

There are many challenges for settings involved in the two-year-old funded programme. Top of my list comes settling in and building secure relationships between the key persons and children. This is because young children learn best when they are relaxed and feel secure.

Attachments are like anchors that give children a safe base and if they are in a setting without secure support, they are likely to become stressed and potentially withdrawn.

We also know communication and language development depends on plentiful interactions between the adult and child. Sadly, if children do not have a sufficiently strong relationship with their key person, they are less likely to engage in such interactions. Finally, we also have to consider the impact on parents.

Unsettled children are likely to show a range of behaviours, including attention seeking and clinginess, following a period of separation anxiety - however brief. This, in turn, may unsettle the dynamics within a family and may colour a parent's view of the benefits of early education. So, given this potential challenge, how can settings work to make both parents and children feel both welcome and secure?

BUILDING THE FOUNDATIONS

A good starting point is to recognise that settling in is a process and it might take a range of different formats and timescales according to children's and parents' needs.

Key to this process is to learn as much as possible about the child and the family, especially a child's past experience of being left with others. This is important as children who have never been left with anyone other than close family members will be on a steep learning curve.

This first-time separation has to be successful because it will impact on future separations. For children who have already experienced separation, we need to hear from parents how it went. An unsuccessful separation is likely to mean that the child may need a longer period of time to adjust. It may also have unsettled the parent.

PARENTS MATTER TOO

While it is important to gather information about the child's experiences, we need to hear how parents are feeling. It might be that they are keen for settling in to be as fast as possible or that they are unsure about leaving their child. At this point, we may need to let parents know that by working together on the settling-in process, a template for future transitions will be established for the child, allowing them to start school easily or be dropped off at a birthday party.

As part of the dialogue that we have with parents, we will need to explain the importance of the key person system - as unless you work in the early years sector, the term may not have any meaning. Note that if you work in England, explaining the role of the key person is a statutory requirement.

Parents also find it helpful if we explain what they should do when they arrive to start the settling-in process. Uncertainty can leave parents feeling anxious or even frustrated, especially if they thought that they were going to be able to leave their child straightaway.

While it is not possible to say exactly how soon it will be before they can leave their child, we can outline some steps that can be worked on together that will lead the child to being ready to say goodbye. Settings that take this or a similar approach report that parents like it because they know what to do and it allows the key person to get to know the child.

The suggested steps are as follows:

Step 1 Child is able to play with key person while the parent is alongside

Step 2 Child is able to play with key person while parent goes across room and back again

Step 3 Child is able to stay/play with key person while parent pops out of sight to get something but remains in the room

Step 4 Child is able to stay with key person when parent says that they are going out of the room to get something

Step 5 Child is able to stay with key person and be reassured when parents says they are going and leaves for five minutes.

BUILDING THE RELATIONSHIP

Building a relationship with a young child requires a range of skills, including great sensitivity and patience. Ideally, it is great to start off the relationship during a home visit, but for many settings this might not be possible. Alternatively, it is worth arranging for parents to come in at a time when it is fairly quiet rather than at the start or end of a session.

In the summer, it is also a good idea to think about using the outdoors, as many children feel more relaxed there. During a first visit to the setting, it is worth following the child's lead. Some children will want to get stuck in with the toys and so simply being nearby and gradually supporting their play might be an idea. Other children may stand still near their parents and in these cases it a useful approach might be blowing bubbles or doing something that both parents and child can join in together.

Once near the child, it is a case of being patient and trying bit by bit to gain their attention and interest. There are no set rules and by carefully observing children's body language, we can soon work out whether or not we are making headway. For many children, sustained eye contact will be threatening, so a good fallback position when working with a new children to is to make fleeting eye contact - almost like peek-a-boo. Holding things out for the child to use or take without necessarily saying anything can be a good step too. This is a great start to building the trust of a child because it is non-threatening approach.

BEYOND SETTLING IN

Once the key person-child relationship is in place, parents can leave, although with the very young two-year-olds, it is worth building this time up if at all possible. We might need to think about what happens to parents at this point. An empty pushchair and three hours to kill can make some parents feel quite bereft and this is one reason why some find it hard to leave the premises. Settings might organise spaces where parents can stay on for a time or create informal buddying schemes.

For particularly anxious parents, we can use technology to give them updates during the first few sessions. At the end of the first 'solo' mission, think how best to hand over to parents. These early handovers can become the template for future interactions with key person and so should be characterised by focusing on what the parent is feeling and thinking as well as on the nuts and bolts of what the child has been doing.

TECHNICAL HITCHES

It would be unrealistic to expect for it to be smooth sailing with every family. There are a multitude of challenges that are worth being aware of, beginning with attachment itself. Some children may not have secure attachments to their parents, and this means that they may appear to settle in very quickly but in reality have not developed a significant relationship with their key person.

Children with insecure attachments may also show a range of behaviours towards their parents including hostility or indifference. This is tricky stuff and so be willing to gain further professional advice.

Some groups of parents targeted for this may be quite isolated from the local 'parent brigade', for a variety of reasons. They may be very young parents, less affluent than others in the area or receiving a variety of support from social services. It is very easy for these parents to feel disengaged and they may rebuff attempts, especially clumsy ones, to make them feel part of the setting.

There are no quick fixes here, but the key person can be the lifeline by greeting them warmly, and showing an interest in the child and the parent. Developing the relationship between key person and parent may also lead to the parent feeling more confident about how they can support their child's development at home.

MORE INFORMATION

• 'Settling in', part 1 of our two-year-olds series by Penny Tassoni, www.nurseryworld.co.uk/article/1166448

• 'Behaviour - transitions', www.nurseryworld.co.uk/article/724332

• 'Behaviour - hard to part', www.nurseryworld.co.uk/article/1122711

• 'Getting settled - induction policy', www.nurseryworld.co.uk/article/714708/settled

•  'Practice in pictures - starting nursery', www.nurseryworld.co.uk/article/742009

• 'Inclusion - all change', www.nurseryworld.co.uk/article/1182746

 For more information on transitions, attachment and the key person role, see page 32.