Positive Relationships: All in a day's work - settling parents

I'm writing this with my Mummy hat on, as I've recently experienced settling my 2.5-year-old daughter into nursery. She has been the most reluctant of my three children and I've found it difficult. This has made me realise that parents may need as much help settling their children into nursery as the children themselves.

I recently found a mum dawdling in the nursery car park, feeling emotional that this was the first day she would leave her 15-month-old daughter in the care of others. It takes huge trust to leave your child with another person - for some parents, this can be the first time they've not been responsible for every moment of their child's day. They may be feeling guilty; they may be feeling liberated.

Walking away and leaving your child crying is heartbreaking. As practitioners, we have to do all we can to reassure parents that what they are doing is not a bad thing. If the child settles quickly after they have left, it's important to tell them. One of our nurseries takes video clips of children playing happily so that parents can see we are not just telling them what they want to hear.

Parents also need advice about whether to linger or leave quickly. For a mum, it's very hard to take that step away when she knows it will make her child cry; it is easier to sit there a bit longer. But this just prolongs the inevitable, so it can help if parents are gently encouraged to go, so that the child can focus on nursery activities.

The nursery's key person can form a bond with the child, but what about days when this person isn't there? Staff tell me that some parents seem jealous of their child's key person. Parental emotions are complicated; although you want your child to settle, it can be hard to see them turning to someone else for comfort.

The solution here is not to judge the parents but to reassure them that bonding with different carers can be beneficial to a child.

As a parent, I have questioned whether leaving my crying daughter at nursery is right; would she be better with me? But after a few weeks, I can see a change in her: she's enjoying feeling part of nursery life and is becoming more independent.

That can be tough for a mum to accept, but it's all part of the inevitability of growing up.

Saffia Farr is a director and manager of Bristol Childcare, a family-run nursery group established for 39 years. She has three young children and writes on parenting issues at www.saffiafarr.com.