Positive Relationships: Conflict Resolution - What's the problem, guys?

In our nursery, we had observed the usual disputes common to all children. We looked at our culture and agreed that there were occasions when we were stepping in too quickly to sort out children's conflicts and that they were running to us to be their 'fixers'. Were we encouraging this ethos of dependence, we wondered?

As a new team, we were open to change and spent time talking about our values as individuals and what values we hoped to promote. Together, we also watched the HighScope video 'Supporting Children in Resolving Conflicts'. We felt we were well on the way to achieving most of what it suggested. Following our discussions, we agreed to support the children with conflict resolution and to move towards a time when they could solve their problems independently.

We wanted to encourage the children to talk through their disputes, rather than expecting an adult to sort it out for them. This 'talking through' happened with an adult present, getting down to the children's level and supporting them with their discussion about the problem. This was crucial to the whole project. Without this supported framework from the adults in the early stages, I do not believe the children would have been able to become independent in their problem-solving. We were also modelling how to be a mediator or 'problem solver' to children who happened to be observing at the time.

TOOLS IN A BOX

Two or three of the children started nursery in September with the language skills and empathy to sort out disputes for themselves. These children often came from families with siblings, where their conflict resolution had been supported in the home. They were quick to grasp the idea of problem-solving. But most of the children needed tools to help them in their conflict resolution.

We began in the first half of the spring term. Each week we introduced a social skill aiming to teach the next step in conflict resolution, which we chose to call 'problem-solving'.

The week's social skill was talked through and reinforced through role play in our keyworker sessions. It also gave us a chance to check for understanding and help children who needed extra support. We reinforced the skill during the week and also celebrated the children who had been spotted using the social skill.

Week 1. I can spot a problem: We felt if the children were aware that there was a problem, they would be better prepared to help solve it.

Week 2. I can talk through a problem: Giving the children the language to talk about their disputes.

Week 3. I can help solve a problem: Suggesting ways to help resolve their disputes.

As each week went on, we saw the children increasingly using the word problem, spotting problems and beginning to try to resolve them for themselves. Also, much to our excitement, some children started to try to sort out third-party disputes, too.

SUPERHEROES

As we approached half term, we noticed that the children had become drawn to superheroes. At the same time, we attended a talk on superhero play by Anni McTavish.

One of the nursery officers was keen to support the children's superhero play, so we wondered how this could be combined with our work on problem-solving.

From the ideas that followed, 'Problem Solver' was born. We hunted in the cupboard for materials, found a wide black drape and turned it into a cape and mask. And with my background in drama, I was happy to take on the role of superhero!

Next day, while the children were sitting on the carpet, 'Problem Solver' paid a surprise visit, entering from the kitchen with her arm raised and calling 'Problem Solver to the rescue!'

With hands on hips and with the voice of a superhero, she said: 'So, I hear there have been some problems in nursery. Can you tell me about them?' The children responded immediately and were excited to tell her about some of the incidents that had happened.

'I see,' said Problem Solver. 'Well, I wonder how we can sort these problems out? Who can help me?' Lots of hands went up, giving possible solutions to the problems mentioned.

After Problem Solver's visit the children ran into the playground, one arm raised, shouting 'Problem Solver to the rescue!' We had caught their imagination. They wanted to be Problem Solver!

Later we explained to the children that when they had solved a problem, they were to come to tell us and then they would be able to wear the special child-sized Problem Solver cloak.

For example, Paul and Tim came to tell us they had sorted out an argument over children pushing each other on the playground. On another occasion, Jane and Petra were arguing over who would be the wolf in 'What's the time Mr Wolf?' and Christine stepped forward and said, 'I'll solve the problem.'

As soon as she approached, the children's whole tone and body language changed. They explained their dispute quietly to the 'Problem Solver'. She helped them to resolve their argument by suggesting that they take turns to be the Wolf. It was a joy to hear the change in register and the problem-solving unfold before our eyes.

The children who took on the problem-solving role soon became as competent as the adults, and the other children seemed quite happy to accept them in their role as the new fixers.

As time went on the children began to gather various problem-solving tools to support their friends. For example, when there were arguments over whose turn it was on the 'best' bike, Peter would run to fetch a sand-timer and say, 'It's your turn when the sand runs out!' (see photo). Other children picked up on this idea and transferred the problem-solving technique to different arguments.

PARENTS' MEETING

We held a parents' meeting to explain the nursery's problem-solving approach as part of our ongoing efforts to involve parents more.

We held this and subsequent meetings at 2.30pm, 15 minutes before the official pick-up time, in the hope of reaching more parents. Before the meeting, I had asked a small group of children to think about a problem that we had had in nursery and could act out to their parents. They chose to replay a dispute over a car.

Two boys pretended to argue over a car. Then 'Problem Solver' Helen stepped in and said, 'I can solve the problem. Peter have it first, then Rob.' Next, John, also taking on the Problem Solver role, said, 'You can have this car, Rob.'

We asked the parents to complete a questionnaire on the presentation. Comments included:

'It's a very good idea to show children how to deal with the everyday problems, make them more independent.'

'Excellent. The children really surprised me just how much they understood about positive reactions and keeping calm. Fantastic!'

In hindsight, we would have introduced Problem Solver at the beginning of the project and used that initial excitement and emotional engagement to support the teaching of social skills linked to conflict resolution.

We noticed that when new adults visited the nursery we had to model our approach, as they tended to jump in to sort out disputes just as we had done. It became obvious to us that we had raised the expectations of what three- and four-year-olds are capable of.

In our review of the experience we agreed that we had ultimately been encouraging the children to communicate better with each other.

Following the success of this venture we went on to raise our expectations in other areas too, particularly in projects involving teamwork. Here, we would allow the children more independence and would step back, taking on more of the role of facilitator.

Although the initial enthusiasm waned, important skills were embedded. While other projects came and went, the notion of children sorting out problems for themselves remained.

Towards the end of the summer term it was wonderful to still hear the occasional call around the nursery - 'What's the problem, guys?'

This article was based on my work in the nursery at Rouge Bouillon School in Jersey. In September of this year I moved to Grands Vaux primary school where I work as a reception teacher.

This is an edited version of the article first published in ReFocus Journal 8, Spring 2009. www.sightlines-initiative.com

REFERENCES

- HighScope video, 'Supporting Children in Resolving Conflicts'

- McTavish, A (2007) Feelings and behaviour - A creative approach. British Association for Early Childhood Education (Early Education)