Positive Relationships - A parent's guide to ... starting school

- How can I prepare my child for starting school in September?

Starting school is a big step for you as well as for your child, so it is a good idea to prepare yourself for the change, along with helping your child with the transition.

Find out as much as you can about the school before your child's first day. Get a prospectus, attend any open days or settling-in days and talk to other parents whose children already attend so you can accustom yourself with the school's policies and ethos, how the children are taught and the daily routines. Also find out what your child will need. If there is a uniform, make buying it a fun outing so she can start to get excited about the change.

Talk about the new school with your child so she can get used to the idea of going to a new place and meeting new people. Tell her the class teacher's name so she has time to learn it before being bombarded with lots of new names and faces. Also, point out the school building whenever you pass, so it becomes a familiar place.

Your child will look to you for guidance on how she should be feeling, so try to use positive words when talking about starting school, reminisce about what you enjoyed when you were at school, and give plenty of reassurance if she is anxious.

- What skills are needed?

Don't worry if your child is not reading or writing - pressuring children to learn before they are ready can be counter-productive. Just give her plenty of opportunities to enjoy mark- making, such as painting, and share books together.

Good personal skills are much more important than knowing letters and numbers. Encourage social skills by giving your child time to mix with other children. Through this she'll learn, with some adult guidance, about sharing, turn-taking and acceptable behaviour. Also, help her to become accustomed to interacting with adults so that she is more confident when it comes to asking for help in the classroom. Show her how to ask for items when you are shopping, or greet and speak to visitors.

Teaching your child to become more independent will help her to cope in the new school environment. Important skills include:

- Fastening and undoing buttons and zips

- Putting on socks and shoes

- Using the toilet independently

- Turning on taps, washing and drying hands

- Putting away possessions and tidying up after herself

- Blowing her own nose

Being able to follow instructions will also be a great benefit, especially understanding positional words such as 'behind', 'in front', 'below', 'underneath' and 'beside'. Try to use these at home.

- How can I support my child on the first day?

You will probably have mixed emotions on your child's first day - pride, but also some sadness that she is growing up. Try not to show your child if you are feeling upset, as this can unsettle her too.

The night before the big day, involve your child in making sure everything is ready. You can pack her bag, prepare a packed lunch and lay out her uniform together.

Keep your goodbyes brief when you arrive at the school. Smile and reassure her that you'll collect her later. Your child may cry, but this often does not last long once you have gone - there are far too many exciting distractions! But remember that you can always phone the school later to check how she is settling in.

Most importantly, be on time or early to collect your child at the end of the day. She will no doubt be anxious to see you and it can be distressing if you're not there.

- Are there any relevant books that I can read with my child?

There are many picture books available that deal with the worries of starting school. Sharing some with your child can be reassuring. Books include:

- Billy and the Big New School by Catherine Anholt

- Starting School by Alan and Janet Ahlberg

- I Am Absolutely Too Small For School (featuring Charlie and Lola) by Lauren Child

- Lucy and Tom Go to School by Shirley Hughes

- Topsy and Tim Start School by Jean and Gareth Adamson.

Further Information

- Prepare Your Child for School by Dr Helen Likierman and Dr Valerie Muter (Vermilion, £8.99, 009190677-6).