Being sociable
Marion Dowling
Wednesday, November 5, 2003
'Being good with people' has always been recognised as a strength in people's work and personal lives. Perhaps this is even more crucial in today's world, when the pace of life does not readily allow time for personal contacts. This situation is certainly not the case in early years settings, whose most noticeable aspect is likely to be their social ethos. Children are open and friendly. They chatter as they work and play. Disputes that flare up are usually settled amicably. The whole basis for young children and adults living and working together is founded on good relationships. We recognise that children are growing up in a social world and that from an early age they need to learn how to rub along with others.
This situation is certainly not the case in early years settings, whose most noticeable aspect is likely to be their social ethos. Children are open and friendly. They chatter as they work and play. Disputes that flare up are usually settled amicably. The whole basis for young children and adults living and working together is founded on good relationships. We recognise that children are growing up in a social world and that from an early age they need to learn how to rub along with others.
The critical point is that this sociable environment is not always achieved easily. In interpersonal skills children aged under five are, as with everything else, inexperienced. Considerable social learning skills are involved in adapting to being part of a group of people, and this will necessarily form a major part of the nursery curriculum.
Some children, of course, will have had a head start if they have experienced social learning at home.
Friendships quickly become very important to young children. They approach one another openly and ask 'Will you be my friend?' and they are heartbroken if their 'friend' suddenly decides not to play with them any more. The fact that most young children do make friends quickly and effortlessly sometimes leads us adults to overlook the complexities involved in establishing relationships.
By the age of four years, children should be able to manage several peer relationships with ease. And yet we know that some young children cannot do this, as they simply lack the skills for friendship. We need to keep a close eye on these children, who may become socially isolated.
Suggestions for practice
Provide specific support for those children who find it difficult to make friends:
* Work with small groups of children and use puppets and miniature dolls to enact scenarios about friendships. Encourage discussion. Help children to develop their understanding of relationships. Use daily events and comments from children as a starting point, such as taking turns and being kind.
* Help isolated children to gain entry to a group through working with them as a play partner. Encourage them to join the group and simply imitate what the other children are doing.
* Introduce a large soft toy, place it in a quiet corner of the setting and introduce it as a 'friend' to any child who is feeling lonely.
Question for practitioners
* How do my curriculum activities, daily routines and environment encourage children's social skills?