Positive Relationships: Working with parents - Accepted practice

If you should be inclined to look up the word 'diversity' in the dictionary, you will find that not only does it mean 'a variety of something', but it also can be used to describe a 'discrepancy, or a difference from what is normal or expected.' Here, I want to explore both these definitions in relation to our work with children and families and to examine how our own attitudes, beliefs and dispositions impact upon our ability to form positive relationships with them all.

Forming positive relationships clearly involves time, open-mindedness and a willingness to learn, along with good humour and a predisposition to be empathetic and flexible. I want to consider what this might look like in practice.

It is undoubtedly widely accepted that we live and work in an increasingly diverse society. Perhaps what is less often considered is what this 'diversity' might look like and what we might do to truly create a fully inclusive environment.

A setting that I visited a while back (and where numerous languages were spoken) had a welcome poster in the foyer. It was the kind readily available from many educational suppliers and proclaimed 'Welcome' in a reasonable variety of scripts. I glanced at it on entering, and the practitioner with me said, 'I guess that must get us some Brownie points for when Ofsted come, then.'

TOKEN GESTURES

Although the statement was made with a touch of irony and a wry grin, I think this incident represents how easy it can be to think that we have recognised 'diversity' and 'done our bit' to promote and acknowledge it. I wouldn't wish to suggest for one minute that it is inappropriate to display such a poster. However, I do think that when it comes to recognising, valuing and celebrating cultural and linguistic diversity, such a resource is the very least of 'what counts.'

As I reflected on this incident, many questions sprang to mind, including:

• What was the function of the poster beyond being a token gesture to linguistic diversity? Was it noticed by anyone - adults or children?

• What might have happened if parents/carers had been asked to write welcome messages in their own language, thus creating a resource that gave them ownership and made them feel valued?

• Did all the adults in the setting share an understanding of the welcome that families should receive, not just on joining, but on each subsequent visit?

• How else is diversity reflected in the resources provided for the children to use and the learning opportunities offered?

VALUING HOME CULTURES

In my opinion a friendly, sympathetic adult is far more welcoming than any poster, whatever way it has been designed. The way that we interact with the communities around us needs to be as unique as they are, truly reflecting their needs, not simply our perceptions of what might be appropriate. I wonder, for example, how I would feel visiting an early years setting abroad, if English children were acknowledged by providing plastic fish and chips in the home corner, alongside a bowler hat and umbrella in the dressing-up box?

Valuing home cultures is such an important part of our job, and it is necessary to see the families with whom we work as partners in this process. Where possible, we need to have dialogues about how they would like their culture to be represented and also to learn that even within one 'culture', there are individual differences that make each home unique. The more conversations of this kind that we have, the more authentic the experiences that we create for the children will be.

Reflect upon ...

Your book area:

• Does it reflect the tastes, preferences and interests of all the children?

• Are good-quality non-fiction books offered that match the interests of children and their families?

• Do you provide comics and magazines?

• Do you have books related to popular children's television programmes and films?

• Are books available in community scripts?

• Are families invited to record popular books, rhymes or songs in these languages?

PREJUDGING PARENTS

In our bid to look at diversity on a grand scale, I think that we sometimes forget about diversity on an apparently smaller but equally relevant scale. Let me give you an example. I was running a training session on 'Raising Boys' Achievement', in a room attached to a children's centre. As part of the day we were discussing the lack of men working in the early years sector, and the problems of offering male role models for boys in early years settings.

At around 11.40am, two young men appeared outside the door to the children's centre, obviously waiting to pick up their children at the end of the morning session. I suggested that perhaps the practitioners could perhaps invite them in, to share some books or play with the children, or just observe what was going on in nursery. The response of some of the course members surprised me.

'But they're smoking,' said one. 'And he's got a tattoo,' said another, as a third added 'But what if they can't read?' So, these men were already pre-judged, because of personal habits and preferences that are, for some educators, different to what is normal or expected in their view.

I find this a cause for concern, certainly not because I wish to condone smoking and not because I don't understand that some parents may have literacy difficulties. (To me, the tattoo is neither here nor there.) What concerns me is how easy it is to exclude people, for reasons that are at best based on supposition and at worst are based on a set of inappropriate stereotypes. What is it exactly about someone who smokes and has a tattoo that makes then unsuitable to spend time with young children?

I run many courses for early years practitioners, none of whom would expect to be excluded from the training because they smoke, or because they have a tattoo - and many do. It does seem to me that while we are accepting of diversity among our workforce, the same tolerances may not be extended to the very communities that surround us.

It is important at this juncture to acknowledge concerns about safeguarding young children, which have come to the fore in recent years, not without reason. However, such concerns should not prevent us from building positive relationships with families. If we know our families well, then our judgments will be based on fact and understanding, rather than on media-fed stereotypes.

The two men in question continued to stand outside the children's centre, until the session ended and the children were released. Both boys were given a warm reception by their parents, and one was carried shoulder-high away from the children's centre, chortling with glee as he was hoisted skywards.

As far as I could see, there were no conversations between staff and these parents. A great opportunity lost - where even a casual conversation, showing that their early arrival had been noted and suggesting some possible involvement in the setting, would have been worth a try.

In an era when we are seeing the trialling of 'payment by results' in Sure Start children's centres, it is worth considering how effective we really are at reaching out to and involving parents, whatever their background may be.

I feel that valuing and celebrating diversity can be enhanced significantly by acknowledging sameness. This may appear to be a paradox. However, it is easy to be blinded by difference, and to see it as a barrier to effective communication, a feeble excuse for lack of understanding. Discovering what we have in common with others seems to me to be an essential part of life in the 'real world': sharing stories, anecdotes and memories and building connections. Valuing what binds us together may yet be the most effective way to build partnerships based on empathy and trust.

Test yourself ...

Think about the scenario described above and ask yourself:

• Would you have invited the waiting parents in? Why? Why not?

• If you answered negatively, can you think of ways that parents could be allowed access?

• How might you get to know parents/carers well enough to see beyond the stereotypes?

• Do you feel that you interact with some families more than others? What could you do about this?

Reflect upon ...

How well you know families before children begin in the setting:

• Do you think about the interests and strengths that families have?

• Do you have creative ways of using the talents and skills of parents, whatever they might be?

• Are the interests and pursuits of families reflected in the setting?

MORE INFORMATION

Part one of this series, 'At face value' (Nursery World, 20 September 2011)