Learning & Development: Well-being: Part 1 - Good company

Perhaps the most noticeable impression for any newcomer visiting a nursery setting is its friendly atmosphere. Children and adults genuinely enjoy each other's company, and any altercations that flare up between children are swiftly settled. The whole basis for this climate is founded on warm and loving relationships. It is here that very young children learn how to live and learn with others.

IMPORTANCE

Our children live in a democratic society and must learn to live and learn with others. We may know of adults who are attractive but for some reason are not able to relate easily - they are uneasy with people, and consequently people find them difficult. This can be a serious disadvantage in life.

A good experience of transition can enhance a young child's well-being and learning; a poor experience can cause damage. Having a friend is now found to be a strong factor in supporting a positive transition to a new setting. Children who move into a reception class or Year 1 alone can feel unsure, isolated, nervous, anxious and afraid.

A friend (even a temporary one) can offer companionship, physical closeness, shared past experiences and reassurance. At three years old, it is very comforting to hold someone's hand when you both step into new territory. Studies show that children who made transitions in daycare with friends found it easier than those who came alone; also, that when children had moved with friends into new settings, they remembered that the friends had helped them to feel happy.

Children can learn so much by themselves, but they can learn so much more with others. Lev Vygotsksy claimed that thinking begins with social contacts, and a child will use conversations as a basis for their thinking. Moreover, children new to a setting who have English as an additional language can be helped greatly by another child.

There are wider claims that for anyone, positive relationships with those around us, and sustaining friendships, are important factors in gaining the desirable state of being happy.

THE SOCIAL BABY

Babies are primed to be social and to communicate. Within a very short period of time, babies are 'reading' eye contacts, facial and body gestures and the tone of voice of those significant people who care for them. But we can't help but notice that some babies and toddlers are particularly keen to interact.

My experience suggests that these are the small individuals who have already had their early attempts at conversations valued. They have quickly learned that the sounds and gestures they make are of interest to adults, and they want more of this affirming experience. The adult's task is to tune into the baby's intentions and efforts to communicate and maintain this social dialogue. This applies even if the baby does not share a common spoken language with the practitioner, as babies are able to tune in rapidly to other languages and will be reassured by warm gestures, expressions and tone of voice.

The Early Years Foundation Stage recognises the fundamental importance of attachment, and we know that a secure initial attachment underpins any further relationships. The baby's significant person, initially mother or father (or both), and then the nursery key person, plays a very important role as a companion and play partner.

Colwyn Trevarthen, Professor Emeritus of Child Psychology and Psychobiology at the University of Edinburgh, suggests what this looks like for a young child, a description that applies equally to a baby.

'Children do need affection and support and protection and so on, but they need a lot more than that. They need company which is interested and curious and affectionate ... Children are very good at private research. They can do it very well, but they don't do it if they are discouraged. If they feel unwanted or lonely then they don't explore'.

Significant people who are special, and who forge a primary link with the very young child, gently introduce him to the wider world; the special person encourages the baby to branch out and meet other babies and to learn to trust other adults.

One of the great benefits of a strong first attachment is that the child becomes sufficiently confident to relate to others. Usually, however, this takes a little time, and some children are particularly cautious in accepting a new relationship. It is also important to recognise that when babies are tired, stressed or unwell, they need their special key person.

DEVELOPING UNDERSTANDINGS AND SKILLS OF FRIENDSHIP

Making friends becomes increasingly important to young children. Even those as young as three years start to form loose social networks. Around the age of four, they will approach other children openly, asking, 'Will you be my friend?' They also show great distress if their friendly overtures are refused. Common and heart-rending cries from some young children are 'Peter won't play with me' or 'Zareen says she's not my friend'.

Some children have difficulties with friendships, particularly if they are shy or are not used to social contacts. Other reasons may be less obvious. The fact that most children in early years settings do make friends easily and quickly sometimes makes us overlook the complexities involved in establishing relationships. These complexities include developing certain understandings which are explored below.

Becoming aware of others' viewpoints

Piaget tested children in a formal situation and concluded that most under four years old were unable to appreciate any other view than their own. However, we now realise that in a family situation, young children can work from a sharp social intelligence and can sort out the feelings of others. You will notice that some children in your nursery settings show empathy and will interpret other children's behaviour for you - for example, 'Cheryl's sad today because her dad's gone away'.

Gaining entry to group activities

Those children with social skills are often leaders in a group. They feel confident and take it for granted that they are wanted members in play and that their ideas are valuable for others. Some children really do prefer to play alone, though, and there is nothing wrong with this.

However, by contrast, socially isolated children spend a lot of time on the sidelines of activity, longing to join in but not knowing how. They may try to make friends with others but their overtures are often inappropriate - too effusive, too timid or even aggressive. Other children may back off. If these children manage to get involved, for example in role play, they are often directed by other children and may be allocated very minor roles - the dog or baby. This matters not so long as the child feels included.

Learning to manage conflicts

Until children learn to see another's perspective and to use language to express their feelings, they will protect their rights through physical action. We sometimes need to calm things down, help children to tell their story and encourage them to see a way through through conflict. Sometimes, however, confrontational exchanges can lead children to resolve issues themselves and we should be careful not to jump in too early and so deprive the participants of working this through.

CASE STUDY

Eddie pushes Patrick off a coveted bike in the outside area. Patrick stares after Eddie as he pedals away and tries not to cry. Eddie completes a circuit and returns. He looks carefully at Patrick, then gets off the bike and indicates that Patrick can now have a turn. Patrick refuses and turns away, but Eddie moves over to him. 'See, it's your turn now, Patrick - I'll wait here, see, and then it can be my turn, can't it?' Patrick is mollified. 'Yes, and then it's my turn again isn't it?'

Conflict successfully avoided.

PROMOTING SOCIAL SKILLS AND INCLINATIONS

The importance of adults in young children's development will be stressed throughout this series. Here they play a critical role in helping children to become social.

Observe and strengthen developing social relationships

Observe how babies make contact with others, through gazing, imitating and responding to interactions, particularly from their key person. Encourage them to become more aware of other babies by providing treasure baskets to share.

Observe how toddlers reach out to other children, initially by playing alongside them, handing out and receiving objects. Model this social behavior for them by playing repetitive peek-a-boo games and being a play partner in simple role-play scenarios.

Observe how easily threeand four-year-old children approach others to make friends. Note friendship patterns and encourage those children who share similar interests or schema to play together.

Provide an environment that supports sociability

A sociable environment will encourage children to play, chatter and learn together. Small intimate spaces invite children to gather in pairs and groups. Provision for den making requires discussion, negotiation, sharing of skills and, of course sometimes, altercations. Although some younger children are not yet ready to play with others and some are naturally inclined to play alone, much outside play is social and co-operative, and the joys and social value of den making are now widely accepted.

Make it possible for children to co-operate and collaborate

In order for children to live and learn together, they must learn skills of sharing and turn-taking. At the same time, we realise that some children find it hard to be patient and delay their gratification, so we need to have realistic expectations. For example, in a large nursery group, if the continuous provision is very limited - if there are only two-wheeled toys outside, or if cookery sessions only happen very occasionally - children's abilities to share and take turns will be severely taxed.

- Question: how do your environment and resources support social skills?

Encourage children to support those who have problems with social relationships

Sometimes social relations cannot be left to chance. What about a new child? How do they get entry to the social milieu - not always easily? While respecting the social links that children make for themselves, maybe there is a case for ensuring that children do encounter and work with new friends, which will be another new experience for them. And then there are children who seem to positively discourage friendships through anti-social behaviour.

We can give a new child a friend who will provide reassuring company and help the newcomer to settle in, find their way around the setting and become familiar with group routines. As well as obvious benefits for the new child, this arrangement allows the friend or mentor to take on practical social responsibility. Practitioners can also establish a climate that encourages all children to be friendly and tolerant towards those individuals who have problems with social behaviour.

- Question: how well do you plan for social development in your nursery?

Model and discuss social behaviour

Children really do need to see a range of friendly behaviours modelled and made explicit for them. They may have been fortunate and seen this at home, but not all will have, and so your behaviour is crucial. And this applies not only in regard to children but in the way you relate to their parents and to colleagues.

The EYFS makes it clear that we should demonstrate friendliness to parents, but not necessarily friendships. We can discuss with older children what being a good friend means and use daily incidents and stories to reinforce aspects of social behaviour.

Marion Dowling is an early years consultant

Part 2 Young children's feelings (to be published in Nursery World 11 March)

Part 3 Zest (Nursery World, 8 April)

Part 4 Spiritual development (Nursery World, 13 May)

REFERENCES

- Department for Children, Schools and Families (2007) Supporting children learning English as an additional language. London: DCSF, www.dcfs.gov.uk

- Department for Education and Schools (2007) The Early Years Foundation Stage, Principles into Practice Cards, 2.1. London: DfES Publications

- Trevarthen, C (1988) quoted in Elfer, P, Goldschmeid, E, Selleck, D (2003) Key Persons in the Nursery, p11. David Fulton Publishers

- Vygotsky, LS (1962) 'School instruction and mental development', in Donaldson, M (1978) Children's Minds. London: Fontana

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