Child development: Your guide to the first five years: part 10 Behaviour

For both parents and professionals, an important aspect of the care and nurture of children is the issue of behaviour, and, indeed, how we all 'behave' within our families, communities and societies is important for the well-being of all of us.

Behaviour could have been the first subject in this series, but one reason why it is the last is because behaviour is a complex interplay of every aspect of development - physical, physiological, neurological and psychological.

What is behaviour?

An interesting definition of behaviour, from the field of psychology, states that behaviour is a reaction to a stimulus, and while this is rather sparse, it does, in fact, grasp the essential core of what behaviour is.

When we behave, we are reacting to a stimulus - that is, everything going on in our environment from moment to moment. How we then act or react is based on the sense we make of the 'stimulus', what it means to us and how we are feeling.

Our own behaviour is, in fact, a strategy we have built up from birth and is based primarily on our essential view of the world. Of course, the manner in which we express ourselves through our behaviour is also influenced by the type of behaviours that are acceptable (or not) in our particular society.

However, while such broadly accepted 'rules' of behaviour exist, the particular community or even family in which we live will also influence how far we adjust and adapt our behaviours to match those of society.

For example, a child growing up in a family that sees swearing as unimportant will (a) have role models who swear and (b) most probably also swear. When the child encounters people and/or situations where swearing is seen as unacceptable, then it will depend on how the topic is approached, the ongoing attitudes of family and friends and the child's levels of maturation as to whether they will modify their behaviour or not.

What also influences behaviour is the context in which we find ourselves as we do not (usually!) behave in the same way with close friends as we might with strangers. We also adapt our behaviour according to the particular environment that we are in.

We frequently use different forms of language as well as behaviour, dependent on the situation and how well we know the people we are with. In other words, 'behaviour' is something of a 'catch-all' term for a range of verbal and physical expressions, attitudes and responses that are underpinned by our personal view of the world and influenced by family, community and society.

Learning 'how to behave'

Neither acceptable nor unacceptable behaviour (however we define that) arises out of a vacuum: it is an outcome of what we feel and understand. We all need to be taught the desirable types of behaviour in our society and we can only learn these lessons when we are ready to do so.

Babies, for example, are not capable of being 'naughty'. They are not able to do anything 'on purpose'. It is important to remember, too, that even older children in your setting may be unaware that some of their behaviours - for example, pushing and shoving - are not accepted.

Again, we need to bear in mind the children's previous experiences - especially in their family - and their developmental level. For example, some children shout when they speak, and it is not until the age of five that most are able to modulate their voices - linking with their ability to sing in tune. (Incidentally, this is why singing games and stories and songs using different voice levels are so useful, as well as being fun).

This naturally occurring developmental phase may be compounded in a child who has had to shout to be heard in their family because of noise levels or if the child has some hearing difficulties. We need to think around a child's behaviour and what may be motivating it, which leads us into the next crucial aspect of understanding how children are expressing themselves.

Emotions!

For all children - and adults - the driving force behind behaviour is the ability to manage emotions in different situations. The feelings of babies and very young children are very powerful, and just as they can feel intense joy, they can also feel intensely sad, angry, frightened or frustrated.

They desperately need adults to help them understand that:

- scarier feelings such as desolation, jealousy, shame or fear can be controlled

- these different feelings can be expressed in different ways (usually the scary ones)

- even the saddest feelings can be 'made better'.

Thinking about occasions in our own lives when we have felt great rage or desperation reminds us how frightening those feelings can be. It is only when they are brought under control that we begin to feel 'safe' again, and it is often the calming presence of someone trusted that helps us maintain this sense of safety.

In addition, as adults we can draw on all sorts of experiences to help us cope with strong feelings, including our own early experiences. However, in reality, I am sure that as adults we can still behave inappropriately, which should remind us how difficult it is for children to always 'behave'. Children are just starting out on their life's journey, so our expectations of children's behaviour must be realistic and grounded in:

- an understanding of the strength of their emotions

- children's limited capacity to understand and appreciate all the complexities of what is acceptable behaviour in different contexts

- recognition that different adults involved in the child's life may have different expectations

- their overall development, including physical and sensory development.

Undetected problems

To enlarge on the last point, a child who has an undetected problem with hearing or vision or is acutely sensitive to touch may react in many different ways which may at first sight seem awkward, difficult or challenging.

Careful observation of the child and the circumstances in which they may become distressed, angry or excitable are all very important, to ensure that a child is not labelled as being difficult when the child is simply trying to cope.

This also brings us back to the idea that children will use the types of behaviour that work for them - and that is usually to ensure the adult's attention, as children despair of not being cared about or noticed, especially when distressed by the behaviour of others.

Communication

Some children's 'attention seeking' will annoy or even distress adults but we need to remember what is underlying the behaviour and what children are trying to tell us.

Behaviour is essentially communication, and what a child is doing and how they respond and react to adults and to each other often provides a clear picture of how the child views themselves (as lovable or not) and those around them (trustworthy or not) and the environment (safe or not).

We also have to remember that the child's ability to manage their emotions and behave in ways that conform more to what we want from them will link closely with their maturational levels, which may or may not tie in with their chronological age.

I am sure you have all encountered children (and adults!) who appear to behave in ways that seem 'immature' but, again, if a child finds a strategy that works, they will cling to it, until they are supported to find another way. For example, silences, sulks or frequent tears may all serve to adapt the behaviour of others so that the individual achieves what they want (or need).

Change

However, with children whose levels of coping and adapting are still growing and developing, there also remains a great vulnerability to change, so that many children, who may appear competent, may, with growing independence, be 'thrown back' to much 'younger' types of behaviour. Examples include changes in care, new babies, house moves, even their bedroom being decorated or being moved into a new room, a change in the home corner, or resources in the setting being 'moved around'.

For many children, any change can feel threatening and adults need to be very aware of this. We just need to be reminded how unsettling it is when supermarkets have a 'change around' to remind ourselves of just how uncomfortable even the most apparently unthreatening change can be.

Boundaries

Often when we talk about behaviour, what we are really thinking about is how to inhibit a child's behaviour - in other words, 'put a brake' on what they are doing. For example, a child is able to run and skip and the general joy and exuberance of many children will make them want to run and skip as often as they can!

However, we adults may have to curb this expression of joy in some situations - such as a crowded corridor. We place a boundary on this behaviour and the child has to learn the complex idea that it is totally safe and acceptable to run where there is space but not when it is crowded.

The issue for adults becomes more complicated, however, if we think about the child's ability to stop as well as run. To stop is actually very difficult to do and so the child's physical development plays a part in the boundaries that we set for this activity. This simple example also illustrates that for the child to adapt their exuberant feelings in a way that fits the 'context', they need to understand the adult's instructions and apply them to different parts of the building and what is acceptable inside and/or outside.

So, adults would also need to take into account their relationship with the child and the child's:

- language development

- motivation, and

- level of physical development, including balance and vision (how able are they to negotiate 'obstacles', which can be other children and adults as well as objects?).

This shows how we need to think 'across the board' as we consider a child's emotional responses to situations and the level to which they can actually understand and carry out guidance.

The adult role

As well as remembering all the influences on a child's behaviour, we need to consider carefully our own expectations in the light of all these factors. Another simple example might be expecting children to 'sit still' during 'register' or story time. Questions that could be asked include whether the children are actually physically able to sit comfortably on their bottoms.

Young children (or rather their brains) are still organising sensory information and so the feel of the floor and the sensation of their bottoms on the floor may be uncomfortable or 'conscious' for them - some children may well need a cushion or find it easier to stand up or have a chair to sit on.

What about their attention span? What are your expectations of a two- or a four-year-old? Are they realistic? What about natural 'differences' between boys and girls?

Many young boys, for example, find it hard to sit still for long periods so perhaps a story could be 'acted out' outside (which everyone would probably enjoy). Of course, children do have to learn to 'pay attention' and sit without distracting others but often adult expectations can be modified to pay attention to children's needs and developmental levels, while still maintaining appropriate boundaries of behaviour.

This brings me to my final point - what are 'appropriate boundaries' for behaviour? Parents and all your staff in your settings need to decide what your wanted behaviours are and what is unacceptable and get all to agree to it.

Clear boundaries often mean children feel much more secure, but what they also need is for adults to be role models - remember the swearing example? If a 'rule' in your setting is that all the children wear protective clothing for messy play, then it is vital that adults wear something too. Children learn by observation and imitation and will copy what they see you and other adults doing.

Being an early years practitioner is a demanding task, asking the highest standards of behaviour from all the adults, as well as understanding of development and a recognition of the very strong needs for care, nurture and protection of the children in your care. It is we adults who need to ensure we also behave in the ways we want our children to behave. In this way, we set boundaries that meet their needs and provide them with every day examples of what it means to be a decent, caring human being.

Further reading

Roffey, Sue Helping with Behaviour. Routledge/Nursery World, www.nurseryworld.co.uk

Rogers, B, McPherson, E (2008) Behaviour Management with Young Children (3-7) London, Sage Publications (possibly more useful for the older age range as heavily classroom-based - very practical, but little on the emotional needs of children)

Berry Brazelton, T, Sparrow, JD (2002) Touchpoints 3-6: Perseus Publishing

- Maria Robinson is an early years consultant and author of From Birth to One and Child Development from Birth to Eight: A Journey Through the Early Years (both from Open University Press).