A unique child: Resilience: Staying strong

Early childhood practitioners are often the first resource beyond extended family that children encounter. That puts us in a pivotal position to reach out to victims of domestic violence early, before trauma becomes chronic and enduring.

If we are willing to break the silence that too often shelters domestic violence, we can help children and families thrive more fully for a lifetime. Their resilience will be good for us all.

To help these children, it is important that we:

- watch out for behavioural clues (see below)

- consider a cluster of such behaviours as a 'red flag' needing, immediate and thoughtful attention

- document any behavioural clues and review any patterns, as these can help staff create a co-ordinated strategy to help the child and their family

- be calm and responsive, communicate openly and take a constructive approach to problem solving.

BEHAVIOURAL CLUES

Children exposed to family violence may:

- be easily distracted and unable to concentrate

- often retreat or disengage from the group into silent occupation

- become aloof or emotionally numb

- be overly frightened after making even a minor mistake

- cling excessively to one adult or revert to behaviour associated with earlier stages of development

- repeatedly act out traumatic incidents during dramatic play

- have a quick, frequent 'startle reflex' in response to unexpected sounds

- appear 'hyper-vigilant' in their monitoring of the nursery atmosphere, especially harmony between adults

- avoid eye-contact with adults or use a 'white lie' when responding to an adult's question about behaviour at home

- experience frequent sleep disturbances and have intrusive memory flashbacks of traumatic events when trying to sleep

- become agitated when it's time to go home, especially before weekends, and act relieved to arrive at childcare after weekends

- consistently avoid a specific gender or pretend one parent isn't part of the family

- show changes in eating pattern

- acquire injuries from the 'cross-fire' of fighting adults

- have frequent headache and/or stomach aches

- be aggressive (verbal and non-verbal) toward peers and embroiled parents

- avoid one parent or family member completely, in drawings or stories about home life.

STRATEGIES

The strategies below can support all children's resilience, but are especially helpful to young children traumatised by witnessing family violence.

Maintain a strong one-to-one relationship with a child. Let them know they can turn to you for help. Research shows that one consistent, supportive, attentive and responsive person in a child's life can go a long way toward building resilience.

Don't push children to discuss their experiences, as undue pressure leads to withdrawal.

Listen to children's feelings as well as facts they share. Avoid rushing a child. If you ask questions, use gentle, open-ended ones.

Be prepared for some children to avoid talking. For reticent children, provide other safe ways to communicate, such as through puppetry or making up stories.

Help children learn to express and act on powerful emotions by modelling a rich 'feelings' vocabulary, such as anxious, nervous, afraid, frustrated, confused, ignored, embarrassed. Pair words with facial expressions; it helps children learn that everyone has unique feelings.

Help children learn to interpret others' emotions. Being sensitive to other's emotions and then taking into account their differing perspective is very hard for young children; it's a high-level thinking skill that takes time to develop. Encourage toddlers to empathise by 'translating' others' body language and angry feelings: 'That boy is angry, he's crying because someone grabbed his toy from him.'

If possible, have male and female practitioners in the setting. If not, enlist the help of qualified volunteers. It's important for children to witness both genders caring for children and working peacefully.

Declare your setting a safe zone for all. If disagreements between family members threaten to erupt, invite them into a private office and remind them of children's needs for a calm and respectful atmosphere.

Be a good example. Illustrate the behaviour you expect.

Identify a child's unique talents and provide positive and specific feedback to help them establish their own identity and provide solace from emotional strain. For instance, if a child has a talent for music, integrate musical and movement activities within your curriculum. In all activities, encourage creativity, teamwork and respectful problem-solving.

Role-model positive attitudes to inspire children. Exemplify optimism. Invite children to join in your delight at the small wonders of life - such as a lovely sunny day.

Avoid being overly self-critical to show children they don't have to be too hard on themselves. (Children often incorrectly assume their mistakes cause family violence).

Provide stress-relieving sensory activities indoors and out, from nature play and gardening to playing with playdough and singing.

Connect children to nature whenever possible. Research shows the regular cycle of the seasons and their varying sensory delights help build children's sense of attachment and security. Visit local parks regularly, and if possible, have a nursery pet - animals give children a sense of unconditional love and an ear that listens patiently.

Provide plenty of time for self-initiated 'free play', especially pretend play. Children use play to make sense of the world around them, to relax and to gain control over their thinking.

Provide children with a sense of control over their activities by giving them choices. At home, life can spin out of control at a moment's notice, leaving these children with a depressing sense of powerlessness.

Let children contribute to the well-being of the setting, by, for example, preparing snacks, watering plants, setting tables. Such competent independence allows them to realise they make a positive difference to the setting.

Affirm that all have equal rights to emotional and physical safety in the setting. Let children see social justice in action.

Maintain a predictable schedule and routine. Warn anxious children about any changes, such as a classroom visitor, and let them prepare for a trip or upcoming celebration through role play. Your goal is to counteract a sense of confusion, withdrawal and helplessness that often develops in children who regularly witness violence.

Introduce sound reduction elements in the nursery. Stressed children can be overwhelmed by excessive and unexpected noises.

Provide an uncluttered learning space to help children focus. Traumatised children often have trouble concentrating - perhaps because they are 'on the look-out' for violence to erupt. Avoid overcrowding of children and materials so they can share amicably and see that group interaction is possible without aggression. Provide fewer resources, through periodic rotation, to avoid overwhelming children with too much stimuli.

Create cosy spaces indoors and out to promote security and calm. Indoors, create nooks that fit no more than two children at a time, such as a tent or loft, with 'soft' elements, such as floor pillows, to add gentleness and stuffed animals and diverse dolls for children to hug. Outdoors, a natural 'green' retreat is soothing, as is a den or playhouse. A tree to relax under, or wind chimes, can also ease tense shoulders.

Role-model and coach children in stress and anger management. Conduct parent education events where parents learn to do the same.

Use positive discipline. Focus on co-operative problem-solving and peaceful conflict resolution. Boundaries for acceptable behaviour should be stated clearly and enforced consistently, with developmentally appropriate consequences.

Encourage language usage rather than physical aggression. Ask children to tell you what they want or need. Remind children to use language, rather than shoves or hits.

Help children deal with their anger. Teach them to recognise symptoms of anger in themselves, offer ways to regain their composure (for instance, through rhythmic breathing, listening to music or playing a physical game), and give encouragement for self-control.

Take a stand against physical aggression and name-calling. Children may be hearing many harsh statements at home, so provide an alternative viewpoint.

Post information on community resources helping victims of domestic violence, so any parent can identify help that is within reach, and facilitate family access to intervention services.

Karen Stephens is director of Illinois State University Child Care Center, parenting author of The Complete Parenting Exchange Library on CD, located at www.childcareexchange.com

This article is based on 'Fostering Resilience in Children Exposed to Domestic Violence: Practical strategies early childhood staff can put into action', presented at this year's World Forum on Early Care and Education in Belfast

MORE INFORMATION

- Young Children Living with Domestic Violence: The Role of Early Childhood Programs at http://www.nccev.org/pdfs/series'paper2.pdf

- 'Child Welfare Information Gateway: Domestic Violence' at http://www.childwelfare.gov/systemwide/service_array/domviolence

- 'Violence and Young Children's Development' at http://resilnet.uiuc.edu/library/wallac94.html

- 'Caught in the Crossfire: Children and Domestic Violence' at http://www.aaets.org/article162.htm

- 'Questions and Answers About Domestic Violence' at http://www.nctsnet.org/nctsn_assets/pdfs/QA_Groves_final.pdf

- Children Who See Too Much: Lessons from the Child Witness to Violence Project by Betsy McAlister Groves (2002). Beacon Press, Boston MA

- Children Exposed to Domestic Violence, edited by Robert Geffner, Peter Jaffe and Marlies Sudermann (2000). Haworth Press, New York

- Domestic Violence and the Impact on Young Children by Zinke, Michelle and Zinke, Linda. Exchange Press (Sept-Oct 2008)