Child development: Your guide to the first five years: part 8 Communication

Communication is a subject that not only has links with all of the preceding articles in this series, but also leads into the next, which is about language development. Of course, how can we divide the two, when language is such an essential part of how we communicate with one another?

Think about the definition I found on a website for the communication needs of people who have profound disabilities: 'Communication is any act by which one person gives to or receives from another person information about that person's needs, desires, perceptions, knowledge, or affective states. Communication may be intentional or unintentional, may involve conventional or unconventional signals, may take linguistic or non-linguistic forms, and may occur through spoken or other modes' (www.unm.edu/(approx)devalenz).

Particularly interesting in this definition is that communication can be 'intentional or unintentional', can involve 'conventional or unconventional signals', and be non-verbal.

Most people are familiar with the idea of non-verbal communication, which includes facial expression, eye gaze/direction, gesture, touch, awareness of body space and posture (Ekman, 2004).

Another type of non-verbal communication are all those sounds we can make - such as sighs, groans, moans, screams and all the little 'umms' and 'ahas' - that we also use to convey our thoughts about what we are hearing or seeing. This also brings into the equation how communication involves listening, not only with the ears but with the eyes, heart and mind so that we can 'pick up' on the cues other people are giving us.

Incidentally, non-verbal communication also includes what we choose to wear and how we might choose to dress children. Financial circumstances play a part, but there will be a personal element in style, and self-esteem is closely linked in. Are your reactions the same when seeing someone dressed in black leather and studs, a 'hoodie' or a formal suit? How do you feel if you see a little girl dressed in adult-style clothing or a little boy with a very adult message on his T-shirt? What assumptions might you make about someone with lots of tattoos and body piercings - or if this is you, what might you want to 'tell' the world? Even people who say they 'don't care' about what they wear or look like will nevertheless find that others make some form of assessment about them from their appearance.

The power of non-verbal communication itself is also illustrated in one interesting study which looked at how the facial expression, body posture and so on of health professionals actually affected the outcomes of the treatment given to elderly patients, as well as influencing the way patients felt about their health professional.

What practitioners will need to think about, especially in a setting with children from different backgrounds, is that different cultures have different social rules about non-verbal communication. For example, while eye contact is important in Western culture, direct eye contact can be seen as a sign of disrespect and/or rudeness in many Asian, African-American, West Indian and Native American societies.

Many cultures also have different social rules about touch and 'body space' - that is, how close we stand next to someone or even how we sit. Finding out what body language overall is normal in a particular culture is essential so that children are not misunderstood by you, or alternatively, that they are not confused by what they may interpret as very strange and rude behaviour from you! (See box.)

Communication is, at the very least, a two-way process between the person who is communicating and the person who is on the receiving end. It is important that both parties have a shared understanding of what the various facial expressions, gestures or body postures they are using actually mean, as understanding what is meant signals that there is connection and trust between the people concerned.

This is especially important in the early years, as this form of communication is the only one available to a child. Even when many pre-school children are reasonably competent users of language (around four years) they will use non-verbal communication to express their ideas and feelings.

The heart of the communication

So, a shared understanding of what non-verbal communication means is very important, because it conveys so much about moods and how we are actually feeling and thinking when we are with someone.

Most of us - more obviously, perhaps, babies and very young children - are very sensitive to these signals. Babies are acutely aware of rapid changes in facial expression and their meaning. However, we remain aware of and attentive to non-verbal signals throughout our lives, even when we appear to do most of our general communication by speaking.

We are particularly sensitive to facial expression and eye gaze. Perhaps this is because all humans appear to possess a common understanding of the facial expressions linked to six basic emotions: happiness, sadness, fear, surprise, anger and disgust.

While it is true that different cultures place different meanings on some gestures or use of 'body space', or the way in which eye gaze is interpreted, nevertheless, the fact that such expressions have meaning crosses all cultural boundaries. If we link this common understanding with three important bits of information:

- a newborn baby's preference for faces

- the very fast 'decoding' of facial expression

- the maturity of the brain structure, the amygdala, which responds to such expression

then we can see that right from the beginning there is a fundamental responsiveness to facial 'signals'.

This is helped along by the instinctive way in which we exaggerate our facial expressions when we talk to babies. Just watch next time you are with them.

Some interesting research showed that as adults, we are able to identify highly exaggerated facial expressions, and associate such expressions with a high degree of intensity of emotion. In other words, we can even identify caricatures of facial expressions (Calder et al, 2000). When we show such exaggerated facial expressions to babies, and also imitate (and exaggerate) their expressions, it may help the baby link what their expressions feel like to them, and support the neural pathways which respond to those particular feelings.

In addition, we appear to be sensitive to eye-gaze direction as well as the 'emotion' that we seem to detect in someone's eyes. Think about when you suddenly recognise that someone is teasing you because of a sideways 'gleam in their eye'. We talk about someone's eyes being 'sad' or 'sparkling', and we even react (unconsciously) to when the pupils of someone's eyes get larger (dilate) - this is especially true, apparently, when we gaze at someone we find attractive.

Links can be made with the very 'round-eyed' gaze of babies, and how this has been used in Disney cartoon films, such as 'Dumbo'. When you next see a Disney animation, notice the size of the pupils of all the animals (and humans!).

The other fascinating fact about the human eye that makes where and how we gaze so much more noticeable, is that we are the only mammal to show the 'whites' of our eyes all the time. (Dogs do show a little white around their eyes when they are being particularly pleading!)

Of course, apart from facial expression and eye gaze, we also pay great attention - again often unconsciously - to how someone sits and stands. People who are very close emotionally also often 'mirror' each other's gestures, such as both sitting with their hands clasped under their chins. In therapeutic situations, the 'mirroring' of a client's body language by a professional can help them feel more relaxed and accepted.

While there is a whole 'industry' devoted to understanding body language to help salespersons and others do better in their work, it also has to be recognised that much of our unspoken communication is so subtle that it cannot be controlled - think of those dilating pupils, for example!

A twitch of the mouth in disapproval or suppressed humour (both of which we can usually identify without any problem) are also too subtle and quick for conscious control, and such 'slips' will be 'picked up' by the recipient. Perhaps the best example I can give is when you meet someone new and they seem charming and likeable, and yet you come away feeling that something is not 'quite right'.

It is all those subtle signs from facial expression, eye gaze and body language that are giving you the information on which you are basing your response - your 'gut feeling'. Perhaps it is no accident that a particular nerve called the vagus nerve, which plays a part in our facial expressions, also has connections with the neck, chest and abdomen.

It is possible, therefore, that we may 'mirror' the expressions we perceive in another person very rapidly, and have an associated response. This will happen far too quickly for conscious awareness, but we are left with a 'feeling'.

Understanding behaviour

In babies and very young children it is their non-verbal communication that 'speaks' to us. This will also apply to older children with special needs who may not have language and who also rely on this form of communication to tell us what they want and how they feel. Understanding that behaviour is a main route for communication will help us improve our understanding as we watch out for those changes in facial expression and posture.

In my book Development Birth to Eight, in the chapter on the role of the adult, I describe a particular situation when observing a young boy with autism. I watched his strange, repetitive behaviour with helpless puzzlement, trying to make sense of what he was doing. It was only later, with better understanding of autism and development overall, that I realised his behaviour might have been far more 'straightforward' than I had thought originally. Perhaps he was giving very strong clues as to what he was trying to sort out in his own mind, which, I believe now, was about his own body awareness in relation to 'up and down'.

I would suggest that we observe children's behaviour through the lens of their individual developmental level - to consider the way in which they approach or withdraw, to really notice what their facial expression is, the ways in which they stand, sit or lie down - and use all of this to help make sense of what they are trying to 'say'.

This is just as true for how babies turn their heads, blink, yawn, avert their gaze, purse their lips, frown, push with their hands or feet, as well as their crying or other more gentle sounds, which may also indicate distress as well as gestures of contentment, such as 'snuggling in'.

In conclusion

From the very beginning, when a newborn baby is held in their mother's arms and gazes at the face in front of them, the baby is being introduced to the first awakenings of mutual communication. Those first loving glances, rocking and stroking which provide soothing, comforting and emotional as well as physical warmth, set the foundations for how we interpret that most powerful and subtle form of language without words. Throughout life, this 'language' remains not only the shadow, but also the reinforcer and 'truth indicator' of verbal language, letting us know the reality and heart of the communication.

FURTHER READING

Calder, AJ, Rowland, D, Young, AW, Nimmo-Smith, I, Keane, J, Perrett, DI (2000), 'Caricaturing facial expressions', Cognition 76, pp105-146

Ekman, P (2004) Emotions Revealed - understanding faces and feelings. London, Orion Books

Robinson, M (2008) Development Birth to Eight - A child's journey through the early years. Open University Press

DID YOU KNOW ...

- In Bulgaria, parts of Greece, Turkey, Iran and Bengal, and certain parts of eastern Europe, head nodding and shaking have the opposite meanings to those in this country.

- Thumbs-up is considered a rude sign in Nigeria, as is yawning in Argentina.

- Beckoning someone in Europe and Asia means raising the arm, curling the fingers and using a 'scratching' motion. Beckoning with a curled finger is only used for animals in some societies.

- Universal hand gestures include putting the hands together and putting them to one side of your head to indicate 'I want to sleep', as does patting your tummy to show hunger.

Maria Robinson is an early years consultant and author of From Birth to One and Child Development from Birth to Eight: A Journey Through the Early Year(Open University Press).