Positive Relationships: All in a day's work - potty training
Nurseries need to stand their ground over potties, says Sian Nisbett, nursery director of Dizzy Ducks Day Nursery, which owns two nurseries in Essex.
We have been dealing with a parent in nursery this week who is adamant that their child is ready to start toilet training. This child is just two years old and in our opinion is nowhere near ready to start their toilet training.
The parent has a friend whose child is the same age and was dry exceptionally early, which set our warning bells ringing - competitive parent syndrome strikes again!
For early years practitioners, it is a very hard situation to handle. Of course we want to work in partnership with the parents and fulfil their wishes, but in practice this is really difficult because the child is not developmentally ready to undertake potty training.
On Monday, the parent seemed happy that the child had performed on the potty. She proceeded to tell us that she had made the child sit on the potty while eating a bag of chocolate buttons! So the child was bribed to sit there, and my opinion is that the child just went naturally.
It was deemed necessary to speak with the parent, to explain that the child really isn't showing any of the signs that they are ready for potty training, such as telling us when they are dirty, trying to pull off their wet nappy or showing an interest in sitting on the potty. The parent argued that her friend's child had managed it. So she saw no reason why her child shouldn't be able to manage it too.
I carefully explained that each child is different - while some are ready to potty train at 18 months, others won't be ready until they are three. I explained that, in our experience as early years practitioners, we find that potty training too early always backfires, leaving the child distressed and the parents frustrated. Bribing the child with chocolate will only make the situation worse. The child needs to have sufficient speech to be able to tell us that they need the toilet and to have an understanding of the feeling in their tummy that they get when they need to go. Some children simply do not develop sufficient physical control of their bowels as quick as others.
We explained that we urge parents to wait until their child really is ready, rather than trying to toilet train too early. Chances are that this will mean that the training works much quicker.
Thankfully, the parent listened and agreed to wait a few months and then try again. She understood the need to work with the nursery and, when the time is right, adopt the same approach to potty training as the nursery practitioners.
