How the older child handles another child in their life

How the older child handles another child in their life

by: Syvilla - 22-02-06 13:56

I am working closely with a new family they have a 3 year old and a 3month old baby.

I am having problems with the older child he seems to be distant from the baby, although he plays with him, he plays in an aggrieve way.

For example he has just discover he likes Peter Pan as I’m reading the books to them and he casts his younger brother as Captain Hook and goes to ‘Attack him’ or he will do this with other games (Red riding hood vs. the wolf or jack and the beanstalk vs. the giant)

Am I reading too much into this or is there a real concern?

by: joshuajones

Hi Syvilla

Your 3 year old has had exclusive rights to his parents and his toys etc for a long time, and now someone else has come along that "takes his parents away". There is bound to be jealousy and anger in his little mind. He will not be able to express this in words and so it comes out as aggression and a desire to rid himself of this other person. You need to be patient. When the baby goes to sleep make sure you spend some quality time with the 3 year old to help reassure him that his world has not changed that much. Involve him as much as you can with the care of the new baby, all the time telling him what a good, big boy he is for helping. You will need lots of positive praise and time spent with your little man. Be patient and try not to get too worked up, he is trying to come to terms with his new baby.

How the older child handles another child in their life - 23-02-06 11:01

by: Tammy_2006

thank you ever so much 'joshuajones' that makes me feel so much better I was beginning to feel all I was doing was fueling his anger toward the new babe.

Thank you

How the older child handles another child in their life - 23-02-06 22:15

by: Jacqueline Harbinson

I am a childminder with a similar problem to your own. I have a little boy who will turn 3 in April and has been with me for the past 4 months. 3 weeks ago I took on a 17 month old girl who does sleep most mornings for 1 - 2 hours. I do have to work with her to put her over to sleep and during this time my 3 year old will not do anything at all - just sits on a chair. When I have the girl over to sleep I try to make the most of the time with the boy but have noticed that his concentration span is getting smaller with each activity. Today his jealousy really became obvious in that when the girl was awake and wanted to play he went over to the object and kept saying no you can't have that. He ended up guarding a whole pile of toys but never actually playing with them. Then I noticed at lunch time instead of using the toilet as he is trained he just wet himself - purely in an effort to get my attention. I don't know what to do in this situation. You can't just keep saying let her play and you cannot force him to play when on his own so it is really hard. This boy is a late child - has an older brother at 15 so is used to getting total attention from mum who is single parent now. I can only empathise with you in this situation but have going now to do some research on what to do in this situation.